Daddy says:

So this weekend I went back to Topeka. As you all know there has been plenty of talk as to where I will be living when my lease is up in July.

If all of our dreams came true and money grew on trees I'd probably be packing up for a career in NASCAR country or heading to the west side of the Rockies to live the simple life.

As I digress back to reality I see that the more realistic options are:

• Stay here in Lawrence where I would be living 6 minutes from work and a minimum of 30 minutes from family and any in-state friends.
• Move to Eudora where the cost of living may be slightly less. I would have the small town atmosphere and a simple drive to Lawrence for work or KC for fun. Yet, my family would be a minimum 45 minutes or more away.
• Move to the KC Metro area and be near plenty of shopping and other things to do. A few 'friends'...yes I use the term loosely as I'm not sure how many close/true friends I have in the Metro anymore.

As I traveled to Topeka with this weighing heavy on my mind Sunday morning I am welcomed by my family who has seemingly been pondering as well. They have a morning slated of a drive to my Uncle Dale's condo as well as a ride through Hunter's Ridge to see what is available there. The condo is nice, but I'm not sold. Northrock looks great from the outside, yet I have heard it's not great when it comes down to it...a nice share of disturbances and vehicle break-ins.

Standing in the back yard watching the grill and nature later that afternoon, my father pulls up a chair and tells me to have a seat. I know this is the prelude to..."this is what I think you should do." Yet my parents have always tried to never tell us what to do...they just tend to attempt to guide us along. Dad tells me point blank..."I think it's high time you start making decisions for yourself...it seems like you've always made decisions based on other people and never for you. It's time you do something for yourself and only you...whatever that is. Just do something for you!!!" As I used my sunglasses to shield the tears forming at the corner of my eyes I knew my father was right. From the day I moved out of the house at the age of 18 I only remember one time making a decision for me and only me. That was when I decided that when Missy left for grad school and Cori went to Wichita I was going to live alone!!! Not with my pleading boyfriend, not back in with my parents...ALONE, just me! Other than that, I cannot remember another time in the 8 years since I left Topeka that I have made a semi-big/major decision on my own with no outside influences. Something just for me.

That said, I've done a lot of thinking...a lot of talking out loud to Walker as a sounding board and nothing else. I think it's high time for me to head home.

Mind you if the Hamburger Helper hand knocks some sense into Clint or Chase gets an amazing sponsorship and either of them makes my phone ring with a request for my presences in North Carolina I'm in the truck on the way to KCI before the phone call is over...guaranteed!!! However, I'm sure that will be the day all our dreams come true and we see money replacing leaves in the trees of our backyards.

For now, I look homeward bound.

Makin' Moves!

You know it's funny how you don't realize how many connections to your passion you truly have until you sit down with your address book and start sending out emails!!!

I love this feeling and needed the confidence booster!!!

Thank you to everyone for your help and support now and always!

Love you and and God Bless!

~Jen

More than just a song?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3IDXz9E5efc

Check out the link to the above song and read on....

You know there are a lot of things in life that just make sense...yet there are so many more that just don't. However, when things get confusing and you run across a situation that has too many happenings that are too ironic to be coincidence you have to stop and take notice. A lot of what we do and how we act is completely subconscious...we don't even realize what we are doing or how we are communicating about situations. A lot of time we try to hide the truth from ourselves and each other...I know that I do it all the time. Yet, somehow, the truth always comes out. As Rob says...quoting the Good Book of course..."What happens in the dark always comes to the light." We can push thoughts and feelings away as much as we want...somehow, someway, sometime God is going to make us face whatever it is we are pushing away. It may not be in a timing that is good for us or good for the other people involved, but it will be the timing that we need. So as I listen to the lyrics of this song moments after a conversation that was long over due I have to wonder if it is related...if the lyrics have deeper meaning to a situation than just a great jam that is fun to listen to. When it was posted, it could have simply been a great song...but if you listen to the words...it's uncanny that this is the awesome song that was posted moments after a discussion that in your words is complicated. In my world it doesn't have to be complicated. It wasn't working for either of us the way it was going...so...it just needs to go back to square one...in this instance, square one is friendship...something that was skipped the first time around. I am a firm believer in the fact that good friends are hard to come by and if you get the chance to spend time with someone that you like and enjoy you should. Nick- in this situation, one of a few things are going to happen. 1-We are going to kick it and it is going to be awkward...one of us will speak up and recognize that and adjust from there...2-Feelings are going to get involved be it from you or from me or from both and we will have to adjust from there...or...3-It won't be awkward and there will be no feelings involved to make the situation complicated and we will end up with a great friendship. There is no way in this world that we can predict which of these we are going to face. Whichever it is, it's exactly what we need when we need it and we will deal with it accordingly. In your saying that it is just complicated...if there's more to it than this, I'm missing something...and whatever that may be...it'll come to the light...and that's ok.

For now, I keep praying that whatever we are each going through individually and together we will get through it in a way that is best for each of us...and as we move forward with our friendship I pray that it will all fall together just the way it is supposed to with no awkwardness and no tension.

Now, all we can do is hangout and see what happens from there. :) Simple as that...right? I think so.

Thank you to Nate Harris for pushing me to do what is best for me. I will never forget you saying to me: "Clear your mind and listen to your heart...that's like God talkin' to you right there." Well, Nathan, I'm trying on a daily basis, sometimes it's not easy to hear your heart through your mind...but, I suggest that everyone give it a shot...you may just find exactly what you are looking for.