A Penny, a nickel, a dime, a quarter............

Money seems to be the root of all evil. Seriously, no matter how hard you work, how frugile you are, there is never enough money to make ends meet.........and forget about saving!

This has been a battle that I have watched my family members fight for as long as I can remember. Don't get me wrong, we've always had food on the table and shoes on our feet, but we also scraped many months just to make ends meet.

I always wanted to be able to do what I wanted when I wanted without worry. In college, while racking up a loan balanced out of this world, I felt like I was doing pretty well for myself. I could run through a drive-thru if I wanted or go out for a few drinks with friends every weekend without worry.

One day, reality set in, I called to transfer money from savings to checking for rent and there wasn't enough there. I was in complete shock! I'd always had enough money for my bills and then some! In tears, I called home and asked for help.

I soon realized the depletion of my funds was due in large part to a love interest that wasn't worth the time, money, or effort in the end. Now, I can't go back and change the past, so I dust myself off and go at it again. This time, with flying colors.

Two years plus removed from this toxic situation, my financial status isn't perfect, but I make ends meet most months without too much trouble. However, I'm still paying on those outrageous student loans, the credit card balance from the heart of this bad situation, a health loan from well after I started moving forward, as well as a good-faith loan from my grandparents for a trip to the city where I once believed 'real life' would start. Needless to say, Carrie Underwood's "Don't forget to remember me" kept me from making the move to Chicago, but I still had to pay for the experience of checking out the city and searching for an apartment that I never took.

Now that the laundry list of my debt has been put out for the world to see, I need to get this to disappear....like now! I want more than anything to be debt free. I also want to have a savings account. More importantly, I want to know how to make this happen without making me crazy or forcing me to eat bread and water for the next 10 years.

So, we begin, I have always tried to dumb my change into a piggy bank, one that was once being depleted by someone else as quickly as I was filling it. At the present time, I have $37 in piggy funds...my hope is to get to $100 by the end of the summer.

When I was in high school, I used to save all change and dollar bills. To date, $7 of that $37 is one dollar bills I have managed to stash into the jar. I hope to continue this trend as well as expand upon it.

Being 30 minutes from home, it is so easy to run out for lunch rather than bringing something from home and eating in the office. I am going to try to pay myself for eating in. I think if I give myself $5 each day I eat in, I will be able to save a ton in a little amount of time. When I do decide to go out, I can use this little fund to do that. I could save $25 a week right there.......sweet!

What else though, how do I find extra money to pay of debt such as a credit card bill without creating more. It''s easy to write a $200 check each month, but it doesn't make much since if I'm charging $100 back to it. So far I've done really well at not using my card; however, with that I'm only paying minimum or just above each month. My new credit card goal is to pay the minimum payment plus that month's finance charge. Hopefully this along with not using the card will help me to make progress more quickly than I am now.

Aside from that, I'm not sure what other tips or tricks to use for myself to save more money. I'd love some ideas.

By the way - rounding up your debits in your checkbook register doesn't work well for a person who likes to balance the checkbook regularly. I tried.

Aflac or AhF#!K

I don't know that I have any earth shattering thoughts on this topic; however, since it has become all the buzz in NASCAR Nation, I will share what I've got.

I realized that NASCAR opened a can of worms large enough for the fishermen of the world to have bait all summer long when they said "have at it boys!" Although I prefer this rubbin' is racin' outlook, I didn't expect someone to take it this far this quickly...esp. not Carl Edwards in his Aflac sponsored Ford Fusion. Apparently, I didn't know quack about his temper when it came to the rivalry with Brad Keselowski.

Initially when I saw the 99 close up on the 12 and the 12 take flight like that cute little duck in Carl's latest commercial, I thought it was racin'. Lord knows it couldn't have been intentional, I mean we're talkin' Carl Edwards here, not Tony Stewart. Then I wait, watching replay after replay, until the camera finds Carl and his comments show clearly that it wasn't a mistake...it wasn't racin' at all! Carl Edwards, laps down, came on track for the sole purpose of putting Brad Keselowski in his place. As I listened intently to Carl's comments I realized.........this cat really is from Columbia! (ROCK CHALK JAYHAWK!!!)

So, today as we see the comments flow out of Charlotte.............

"There's a too far in everything, and that was too far. Bottom line, simple as that." - Clint Bowyer, The Kid from Kansas that has been known to make donuts on doors, not just pretty grass between the start/finish line and pit road!

"I'm thinking about asking for a refund for all of my penalties!!!!" -Kevin Harvick who has been parked for similar situations in the past.

.................I have to wonder along with Mike Helton, what made the 12 go airborne. If NASCAR can't find an answer to that and can't fix the problem, then they have to re-think the "have at it boys" attitude before someone ends up parked in the grandstands on top of spectators!

We all know this sport is dangerous, we all know this sport kills even the best of the best, but we also know as fans, drivers, crew members, owners, and officials, it is our duty to place ourselves in the direction for the best possible outcome.

Tempers and airborne cars in a "have at it boys" environment is not the best direction for this great religion we all call racing!

How do you feel about North Carolina now Coach?

As a Jayhawk that lived through the Roy Williams to UNC drama with fellow students, I just read the most amazing quote in history, "With NCAA Tournament hopes out of the picture, North Carolina has four games left in the regular season as it fights to keep its record over .500." Well Roy - all I can say is...LOOK AT US NOW...sure is funny how things work out!!! ROCK CHALK!!!

The above is my current facebook status. This morning as I was reading The Wave, an insert in the University Daily Kansan, when I came across an article titled "A 3-horse Race." This article was about three of the most prestiges college basketball programs in the country...Kentucky, North Carolina, and Kansas. Kentucky is the only team in the nation to have 2,000+ victories. North Carolina is two shy of the 2,000 mark and Kansas is four games away. As Kansas is on it's way to sweeping the conference and on the heels of clenching at least a portion of the Big XII title, earning it's head coach his 400th career win, and watching their big man earn the Academic All-American of the Year title, the Jayhawks aren't showing signs of slowing down. The Tarheels on the other hand have had a season that has left a lot to be desired. The journalist responsible for this piece of work has described the Tarheels present with a single sentence that I never dreamed of reading, "With NCAA Tournament hopes out of the picture, North Carolina has four games left in the regular season as it fights to keep its record over .500." North Carolina - the dynasty that was created in Kansas and made who it is today by Coach Dean Smith, the dynasty that Coach Roy Williams left KU for after so much turmoil and the quote heard around the nation, "I don't give a $h!t about North Carolina." Well Coach, regardless of how you felt about North Carolina in that moment, you left...and now, we are rolling on and flying high. We have accomplished something that you were never able to accomplish in all 20 years and now with no remaining Roy Williams recruits we are well on our way to doing so again. So, tell me Coach, how's it feels to win a Championship at a school that you always loved more than Kansas with players you didn't recruit...then to fall short of a tournament appearance with kids that never knew Coach Doherty, kids that YOU recruited!

Well Coach, we still don't give a $h!t about North Carolina, but we sure our in love with our Self! So, I suppose all there is to say now is THANK YOU!!! I didn't understand back then, but I do now...CHANGE IS GOOD...I'm so glad that you left for that school that learned so much from Coach Smith and the Kansas program!

We'll be thinking about you win we beat UNC to 2,000 against Mizzou and claim our Big XII title outright in their house!!! ROCK CHALK!!!

Time - Precious, Priceless Time

Time is precious, so when someone gives you theirs, to me, that is priceless.

I know that we are all busy and sometimes feel like we don't have time...time for yourself, time to get to know someone, time for those you care about (or want to care about), when in reality, we always have time for the things we really want to make time for. I know that I am guilty of pushing off people and things, but why? It takes 10 seconds to send or reply to a text message, a couple minutes to make a phone call, maybe an hour to stop by and see your grandma or have lunch with an old friend, and two hours to watch a movie or go bowling with someone that you are interested in. So why is it so difficult for us to piece together those small amounts of time to show how much we care and appreciate people or to give someone a chance? What is it that we are so busy with that we are willing to let life pass us by without even realizing that we may be letting something perfect slip right through our hands while we are scrubbing a floor that we scrubbed yesterday or taking our 5th shower of the night...or worse yet, watching some dumbass TV show we won't even remember next week, let alone 20 years from now when we are wishing we would've just talked to that person one more time or tried just a little bit harder to see what might have been.

We can always live with 'what ifs' but we can't go back to find the answers. Regret is a waste of time, time you could be using right now to prevent those regrets from ever forming. Send the text, make the phone call, visit your family and friends, and go out on that date...in the end, you'll be glad you did. ;-)

Love you all and God Bless!
~Jen B.

Noticing You Noticing Me ;o)

So, we barely know each other.
My nieces call you my husband, but you're younger than my brother.
Do I think you're cute - no doubt...
And I'd love to hangout.

The thing that makes no sense to me...
Is how we keep finding ourselves in each others company.
You bowl on my parents' league...
I've showed up twice in two weeks at the same place you just happen to be.

Last night was a blast I never expected...
In a sense it seems like we kind of connected.
Tonight my niece saw you catch a glance...
Then I noticed you did so at every chance.

So, should I care that you're only nineteen...
Or give it a chance to see what the girls seem to have already seen.
I'm thinking the latter...
age doesn't matter.

From the 3B to ME

With race season drawing to a close, I am no longer forced to focus on the 3B as I sit down to write. Although this summer proved to be one of the most enjoyable race season yet, I am glad to see the leaves changing as the checkered flag has finally dropped on the 2009 season.

Don't get me wrong, I have a passion for racing like no other and to be able to sit down and share that with each of you as well as Nic, his family, and fans has been amazing. I am, however, anxious to be able to write about another one of my passions a little more regularly for a few months........myself and my life ;-)

My goal now, with things slowing down briefly for Bidinger Motorsports, is to be able to catch up with my personal writing. A lot has happened in my life the past few months and I am excited to share. I apologize, as I probably won't be able to include all the happenings I would if I were writing as I went, but I will try to touch on the most important things. The biggest of which will be final tomorrow and I am very excited to write about that very soon!!!

*hugs*
~Jen

Hangin' With Cooper

A few months back I received news that my long lost Chicken Soup buddy was going to be a daddy. Although, I was very happy for Jamie, thoughts that I had had when he told me he was making the move to San Antonio came flooding back...

"No, you moron!"
"You know she's not right for you."
"I haven't met this chick, but I don't like her."
"What the hell are you thinking?!?"
"Go ahead and head to TEXAS, check out the big hair, the chicka that doesn't get give-and-take, you'll be back in no time."
"San Antonio, ha, you move to Texas you'll be goin' through the Big D and straight back to the WU Sidelines."

...I could go on and on, but you get the point.

For the first few months after JO left for Texas, I knew that he wasn't happy and thought for sure he'd want to come running back home. He found a job that left him traveling a lot and I knew that wouldn't fly with Supermom for long considering what's the difference between always traveling and living in another state - REALLY?

I remember phone call after phone call from lonely hotel rooms and trade shows along the road. I was lost at HPT and he was lost somewhere between room service and the next airing of SportsCenter. Gradually, the phone calls slowed, then stopped, then came the email they bought a house, then the family was growing (WELCOME MIA), then the bomb........Supermom was going to have a baby......."WHAT?!? This really is working? Could he really be happy now, he hasn't been happy for as long as I've known him.......hmmm"

Now, Cooper James Overocker, the cutest little boy in the world, has arrived! He's here and for the first time in the 3 years I've known him, JO looks happy...

......that smile on his face and sparkle in his eye is unmistakable.....perfect really.

So, JO - I never thought I'd see this day come or things unfold the way they have, but I'm so happy for you! It's funny how things work out isn't it?!?! I can't wait 'til Cubby starts learning how to talk so I can teach him the Rock Chalk chant! Miss you tons! *hugs*

Check out more JO & Cubby happenings at hanginwithcooper.blogspot.com! It is so much fun to watch as JO & Supermom go through things for the first time and to see Cubby grow right before your eyes from states away!

Ideas

I have just a few ideas for upcoming posts and hope to get them up as soon as I can.

-Thunderhill Speedway Drops the Checkered on the 2009 Season Bringing the Mike Henry Era to an End
-How Many Different Ways Do You Have To Tell A Guy You Are Not Interested Before He Gets It?
-Mary Kay - A Cult Or A Small Business Opportunity? Makeup & Money.......Maybe?
-Burnout! How To Keep A Story Fresh When The Results Are The Same.
-My Take On "Hangin With Cooper"
-Why is it the guys you want in the 'friend-zone' want out and the guys that you are interested in just want to be in the 'friend-zone'? AND What's with the random pop back into your life moments?
-HOUSE SHOPPING!!!

The more I type this little list, the more ideas that come to mind. I am going to stop there, as I'm not sure I can keep up if I give myself too much to write about.

Wow - It's Been Awhile!

Life has been crazy busy lately. I have not had a lot of extra time and when I do I tend to go for sleeping! ;-) When I do have time to sit down and breathe, it never seems like I have words...thus, I have not written a new blog entry for some time.

I will do my best to get back on the bandwagon! I am hoping that once race season comes to an end, I will have more time to dedicate to blogging. At this point in time, all my words go to the Nic Bidinger Racing Fan Club.

Stay tuned!!! Hopefully you will find some great new entries in the very near future!

*hugs*
~Jen

New Adventures

I had another article published last week. It was a feature on Nic Bidinger. Nic is a local dirt track racer...and major hottie might I add! ;-) Ok, seriously, that's a completely different blog! ANYWAY! The story on Nic not only went on midwestdirt.com as did the Mike and White article, but it also was placed on inthepits.net. The links to both are below! Aside from this article, I have also created a couple of Fan Club pages on Facebook to moderate. One is for Nic...he is going to try to help keep it updated, so he thinks, but the boy is super busy, so it will stay on the top of my list for awhile. The other is for Kyle Covert...I'm pretty sure Kyle is great with me keeping it up-to-date for him! :-) Be sure to check them out and JOIN!!!

midwestdirt.com: http://www.midwestdirt.com/viewtopic.php?f=59&t=1574&sid=6acfb2f590a7427356f5562510e8a167

ITP: http://www.inthepits.net/features293.html

Published!

FULL STORY AS PUBLISHED: http://www.midwestdirt.com/viewtopic.php?f=59&t=1506

Mike and White Productions Gears Up to Get Fans Up-Close and Personal with Midwest Dirt

By: Jen Brown

Mike Higley and Rodney White are average race fans, but the work they are doing for racers on Midwest dirt is anything but average. Higley and White realized a need and with the right equipment and a passion for dirt racing the two set out to capture racing on dirt from a new angle - on video.

Mike and White Productions is bringing Midwest dirt to your finger tips. The thrill ride provided by their videos is sure to get you through the work week and to your local track the first chance you get.

“Our videos are all over the place and that is what makes it interesting and exciting because you never know what is coming next. If that brings a smile to someone’s face then we have done our job,” said White.

Drivers are the priority for Mike and White Productions. The goal is showcasing racers as superstars, and providing exposure to new markets and fans. The digital promotion will take dirt fans to a new seat at the track - behind the wheel.

“We believe that Joe Saturday Night racer is as special as Dale Jr., or Jeff Gordon,” said Higley.

The duo seeks to capture a night under the lights from a racers point of view. The unique look at dirt racing will bring a new level of excitement as fans wait for the next green flag to drop.

Buckle up and settle in for a great ride around the smooth Midwest dirt in the latest production from Mike and White.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1g-XHanUbgg

*Thanks to Rodney and Mike for giving me the opportunity to do this story and to Wiggy for posting it on midwestdirt.com*

Thunderhill Speedway

Today has been a rather sad day for me as I just sent the following letter via email to Mike and Joey Henry regarding my future involvement and the current situation at Thunderhill. This was a very hard and well thought out decision and I wish them all the best.

-------------------------------------

Mike and Joey,

After a lot of prayer and consideration I have arrived at the conclusion that it would be best for me to remove myself from the current situation at Thunderhill. You both, as well as Cheryl, have done a lot for me personally and in the racing community over the years and it is very hard to watch what is happening at the track as of late.

In wishful thinking and knowing the potential Thunderhill has, I thought for sure the first week this season was a fluke and everything would be turned around in a timely manner. However, this has not been the case. I know that Thunderhill could be a top-notch place for dirt track racing in the area as it was not so long ago. In order for this to occur changes must be made. I have not seen the effort in having these changes take place.

Not only do I worry for the safety of our drivers, I also have a concern for the staff and fans. The fire crew has left a lot to be desired and their lack of attentiveness and response is unacceptable. The stands need more than a little TLC...with old wood that is shaky at best, it made me nervous to climb to see my dad who had strategically placed him self at a point over the metal structure in hopes that if the boards gave out he'd save himself from a fall. The scoring tower is not only completely unsightly and rotted away, but it is unacceptable and dangerous. You should not put your announcer or scoring staff in such an unsafe place, let alone allow fans to come into the structure to collect 50/50 monies and other prizes. I understand that it is the plan to replace the tower when the weather cooperates, but as things seem to be going, I cannot hold my breath for that while praying I don't fall through the current one at any given moment.

It breaks my heart to walk away from a great family, great friends, and a facility with all the potential in the world. However, I don't know what else to do. I cannot put myself in that situation or watch as our drivers are put in a situation I feel is unsafe. Should a repeat of Grant Junghans 2008 HPT fire occur on the back-stretch or a heart attack and infield crash that required CPR and a life-flight like what occurred back in 2000 or 2001 (I can't remember the exact date for sure) happen again, I'm not confident that the on track staff and fire/safety crew would be able to properly react. Are you...really? In making this decision someone asked me when will it be enough...when does it cross the line...is it when someone you care about is in a ball of flames or they've barrel-rolled down the front-stretch and the fire crew still doesn't respond or is it now before you have to witness such a thing? I hope that situation never occurs, however, we all know that it is a possibility...I can't sit back in a falling tower and watch that...I'm sorry.

We are all pulling for you and want to be there every Saturday night, but we just can't with things the way they are. I say we meaning, myself, fans and drivers that you and I both know have made their way to HPT or Valley or elsewhere to date and anyone else that shares these thoughts, feelings, and hopes.

You have my continued support and I wish you all the best as you move forward this season and want nothing more than for you to make steps needed to keep Thunderhill not only open and operating, but doing so successfully. Please, start showing the racing community signs that there isn't a self-destruction in progress.

Love you guys!
Blessings!
~Jennifer

two per week - two weeks straight

A few weeks ago I found an article on msn.com about some chick who had went on 100 dates in one summer. She wasn't sleeping with any of these men, just going out on dates getting to know new people...and more importantly getting to know herself and what she wanted out of a relationship. I shared this with a co-worker who immediately suggested that I take the same approach to my upcoming summer. Sounded stressful to be honest! I thought that it was a completely crazy idea and that there was no way I could even come close to talking to that many men in one summer. In a later discussion with one of my buddies at the race track...he suggested I take the man's approach to my summer and just f* anything and everything I wanted. Yes I said that I wanted because he made it very clear that I could do just that...pick any man out of a crowd and have my way with him ;) It goes without saying...but...THAT'S NOT ME!!!

So, I have decided to take the basic principle that my friends were speaking from and spend this summer with a carefree attitude and try to meet as many new people as possible and hangout with who I want when I want with no worries. The idea in my head is that in doing this I will get to know a lot about myself...you know, just file away the baggage of this past year and the things before that which have let me put who I really am out of sight. Hopefully I will also meet a lot of really amazing people and possibly make a few lasting friendships. Lastly...this will help me to figure out what I do and don't want out of a relationship and, if I'm lucky, maybe even bring forth someone worthy of something a little more serious than a few dates during a carefree summer.

How's that working for me so far you may ask...
Well, I have met a few awesome people...talked more to some that I already knew... -AND- I have spent time with 2 guys per week for the past 2 weeks! Guess it's going alright so far. Now, who are these fellas you may ask. None of your business I would answer! I will tell you this: Each guy that I am getting attention from or spending time with isn't necessarily boyfriend material...and I'm great with that. Out of the four guys that I have kicked it with since this began I would say only one has potential...and even that is pretty low. Another...well, there are underlying circumstances that don't allow for thoughts of potential. There is this one that's a crazy player...which is cool...hell, look at what I'm doing. Bad thing is, he's in major denial! The final one to be described* has some issues that I'm just not willing or able to attempt to tackle.

*descriptions were not given in timeline order, but rather just the order I thought them up.

How am I going to be able to hang on to one that may be something special you may wonder...
My phone is blowing up on a daily basis...by some individuals that I have or will spend time with and by others that are merely entertainment for that particular moment in time. That coupled with the fact that I am openly speaking up about my intentions and lack there of could make it difficult to keep someone special around. *NEWSFLASH* I'm not an idiot!!! If someone comes into the rotation ;-) that is worthy of being at the top of the TO GET ATTENTION list then by all means...that is exactly where they will go and the others will be weeded out in a more timely fashion.

So - for clarification: I am single and I am going to do what I want, when I want, with who I want and I don't give a damn how you feel about that! If you want to kick it or chat then by all means...let's get to it. If you can't handle the fact that this is my outlook on summer then keep steppin'! If you think you can change this current philosophy of mine...by all means, give it a shot...God willing you might just succeed. But please...don't hold your breathe...you turning blue and passing out may get me to call 911, but it will not get me to makeout with you ;-)

Will this bring out the one or just make for one hell of a ride??? I have no idea, but I can't wait to find out!

*hugs*
~Jen

Gotta love a Friday Night...a dirt track and a Busch Light!!!

1. Your last kiss, what does it remind you of? Honestly...high school...but not in a bad way.
2. Who would you want to be tied to for twenty four hours? Um...Chris...not sure I could stand anyone else that long.
3. Today, would you rather go back a week or go forward a week? Forward
4. Are your eyes the same color as your moms or dads? Dad's
5. Has someone told you that they liked/loved you in the past week? Yeah...kind of.
6. Have you ever cried during a movie? Oh yeah...I am my Mother's daughter.
7. What's something you need to do? Put away laundry.
8. To whom did you last give the finger to? My Dad.
9. Do you think before you speak? Not always...that's overrated.
10. Do you write in cursive or print? Kind of a combo.
11. Could you go out in public looking like you do now? Hells no! I'm not leaving the house in a wife beater and boy shorts...nice try!
12. What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? Read a text message.
13. When was the last time you wanted to punch someone in their face? haha...that happens on a daily.
14. Do you think anyone has feelings for you? If I had to put money on it...yeah.
15. This time last year, can you remember who you liked? Ha! What a time in my life...I'll let Nashty clear that one up!
16. What is something that you realized today? Sometimes life just makes you say hmmm.
17. Two days from now this time, where will you be? Hopefully in bed!
18. Could you go a month without cursing? Doubt it!
19. Are you anything like you were at this point last year? NO WAY!!! THANK THE LORD!!!
20. Have you lost contact with someone you wish you didn't? I'd say yes, but I really think people come in and out of our lives for a reason.
21. Do you think you are a good person? For the most part...don't you?
22. Are you a patient person? I'm workin' on it.
23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 3 months? That's nothin'
24. When was the last time you cried? I don't remember.
25. If you're being extremely quiet what’s it mean? Either I'm chill or I have a lot of shit on my mind.
26. Have you ever had a really big fight with a best friend? Oh yeah!!!
27. Think a lot before you fall asleep? No...I've cut that out.
28. Have you ever given a random person your number? Probably...wait...NATE! That's you!!!29. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed? IDK...nothing really...at least at this point.
30. What’s the last thing that made you sad? Nathan...you wanna take this one?
31. Do you wear glasses? Sometimes...like right now.
32. Anywhere you'd rather be right now? Without a doubt!
33. Are you going anywhere for the next summer? Not farther than the dirt track from what I can tell.
34. Waiting for someone to call? NEVER
35. Have you ever kissed anyone whose name starts with a B? Ummm...that's quite the list you want me to breeze thru on a whim.
36. What does the 8th message in your inbox say and who from? Um...."No one told me, but thanks" -Chase Austin
37. Does the last person you shared a bed with mean anything to you? At the moment...no not really. Well, I guess maybe a little...HELL IDK!
38. Have you ever kissed anyone whose name started with a J? Um...these make me think too damn much!
39. Did anyone see you kiss the last person you kissed? Nope.
40. Does anyone hate you? Prolly.
41. Do you believe every one deserves a second chance? Nope!
42. Have you ever seen your best friend(s) cry? YES! Love you guys!
43. Are you wearing a ring, if so who gave it to you? Not at the moment...but my parents gave me one and Big Sis gave me the other.
44. Did you sleep alone last night? Yes.
45. What were you doing at 8 this morning? Work.
46. Do you have a box where you keep all your really important things? Umm...something like that.
47. What are you most looking forward to tomorrow? That silly giggle I just can't get enough of!
48. Would you rather meet the President or Paris Hilton? The President.
49. Would you ever live with anyone on your top friends? Sure.
50. Did you have a dream last night? Yeah! It was weird...not like Rodney dreaming Amy was a lesbian weird, but strange nonetheless.
51. What pissed you off today? Nothing really.
52. What does your number 1 call you? Um...do I have a number 1?
53. Have you talked to a complete asshole today? Oh yeah...that's a given everyday.
54. Do you have plans for your next birthday? No, that's too far away.
55. Who was the first person you talked to today? My Dad.
56. Do you have any siblings? Yes...JBubbs!
57. Expecting something to change in the next month? Doubtful, but I'm still prayin!
58. You're thinking about someone, aren't you? A couple people...why you ask?!?!?
59. What does your hair look like? A hot mess!
60. Do you wear your seatbelt in the car? ALWAYS!
61. How many letters are in your last name? 5
62. Do you think relationships are ever really worth it? Depends.
63. Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? NO WAY!!!
64. What are you planning on doing after this? BED...what I should've done an hour ago!

If you take a goooooooooooodddd llloook at my face...you'll see my smmmmiiiiiiilllllle looks outta place!

• Are you the shortest of all your friends? Not a chance.
• You're trapped in a room with your last ex for one day, what do you do? Are we talkin' Nick or Co? Does Nick count as an ex...um...if it were Nick I say Lord only knows...if we're talkin' Co...probably a lot of talking and a lot of lookin' at the walls.
• When was the last time you cried? Don't remember.
• Do you miss anyone? Nah, not really.
• Who was the last person you got into an argument with? Guess that'd be Marcus.
• Do you think you can last in a relationship for 3 months? Easy breezy.
• Whats your favorite season? SPRING
• Where do you want to move to when you're older? North Carolina or the Rocky Mountains.
• What are you listening to right now? A highschool softball game.
• Are you expecting a child? Negative.
• Are you waiting for anything in particular? A chance.
• Who was the last person to really piss you off? The Verizon people!
• What time did you go to sleep last night? Early...like 10:30
• What hurts? My side...I musta bumped into something.
• Are you hungry? Nope...I had Buffalo Bob's for supper. I'm good for a couple days!
• What cant you live without? Drama so it seems...damn it!
• Are you married? Not yet.
• Do you like melons? As in my tatas or fruit?!?!? YEPPERS!
• Do you laugh a lot? No doubt!
• What was the highlight of yesterday morning? Um...I don't remember, but I'm sure between Dawn and I we did something worth laughin' about!
• What do you do when you need to relax? Take a shower.
• What was the last thing you purchased? Gasoline.
• Is there someone that knows everything or mostly everything about you? Not really.
• Have you memorized your social security number? Absolutely.
• How many hours did you sleep last night? Um...7
• What are your plans for this weekend? We're goin' racin' baby!
• Do you think you'll be a good mother/father? Sure hope so!
• Marriage in your future? It's a possibility.
• If your best friend liked your last ex, what would you do? Tell her she was a moron!
• Want to have kids before you're 30? Yes! If I don't I'll be on a baby daddy hunt...any volunteers?
• Have you kissed more than 10 people this year? Wow...I think I need a second to count...ummm I don't think so...maybe about half that! HA!
• Do you like meeting new people? Of course!
• What are you doing right now? Sittin' on the bed.
• Do you believe exes can be just friends? I do. Love you Christopher.
• Did you ever waste too much time on a certain girl/boy? Story of my life!
• Are you starting to realize anything? All sorts of things.
• If someone liked you right now, would you want them to tell you? Without a doubt! Someone wants said, "It's better to tell someone how you feel and be rejected, than to wait until it's too late just to find out they felt the same way." Thanks B...I'll believe that forever!
• Has a girl/boy ever called you babe/baby? Daily.
• Do you believe a girl should ever make the first move? Yep! See two above!
• Have you ever seen the last person you texted naked? Yes!
• Last time you were really happy? I'm happy now.
• Last person to call you beautiful? Does cute or attractive count? They know who they are...but no business goin' out today folks!
• What color is your room? White.
• Where are your parents right now? Bed
• Whats on your bedroom floor? Nothing much.
• When was the last time you kissed someone? Sunday.
• How many piercings do you have? Just the ears.
• Are you a jealous person? Not usually.
• Do you wear the hood on your hoodie? Sometimes.
• Where is the person you have feelings for right now? Somewhere missing me that's for sure.
• Do you want any tattoos? Yep...too bad I'm a chicken shit!
• When is the last time you were in a photo-booth taking pictures with friends? Oh Lord, prolly Jr. High.
• When is your birthday? Jan. 26...got that B...Jan. 26
• What color are your eyes? Blue
• Who do you hate currently? No one.
• Have you ever just added someone just cause you thought they were cute? Guilty.
• Who last texted you? Wait...do I really want to say that...because that means I'm telling you someone I've seen naked. Wow! Nick.
• What's your current frustration? Nada.
• Is the last person you kissed mad at you? Not that I know of.
• Do you like anyone? I do...problem is...nevermind.
• Has anyone seen you in your underwear this past month? I'm sure...the window's are always open...ha!
• Are you in a relationship? NO WAY!!!
• Are you in a good mood? Yeah Buddy!
• What movie's in your DVD player? Not one.
• Do you like to cuddle? Sometimes.
• Would you ever go skydiving? It'd be a bucket list item, but again...I'm a chicken shit.
• Are you good liar? Nope, but I'm workin' on it.
• What was the last reason you screamed? My brother was attacking me!
• Do you believe the last person you kiss care's for you? Um...really, I have no clue.
• Do you want kids? Yep.
• Do you have any nicknames? Jen...and my dad calls me Brownie or Punky.
• What are you listening to? I already answered that.
• Will you be in a relationship next month? Doubtful...it's race season!
• Were you mad when you woke up this morning? Uh, no.
• What is your favorite color crayon? Blue.
• What is the dominating genre of music on your music player? A mix between hip-hop and country.
• If your favorite restaurant ended up having roaches, would you eat there? Not a chance!
• Are you more of an optimist or pessimist? Usually optimist.
• When did you last make brownies? Um it's been a few weeks.
• Is there anything that you think is impossible to say or do? No...I may have my moments...but no.
• Do you think there are circumstances when it's okay to wait for someone? Not really.
• When you meet someone you like, do you fall in love fast? I care fast, but I don't fall in love quickly no.
• In your opinion, what is the prettiest name for a girl? Claire.

Trouble

I'm not sure why I'm having so much trouble with what I have written today. It came from my heart...it was what I was feeling at the time. Although, it didn't come out how I planned and it wasn't what I was going for...they were still my words. I initially clarified the post with an additional posting...then I removed the posts. I guess I was worried about offending someone or hearting someones feelings. I've been back and forth about this all day long. Then I went and took a shower...that's where I think the best...and spend some time clearing my head and listening to my heart...you know, letting God talk to me.

I came to the conclusion that these are my words...every last one of them. Whatever I typed came from the heart. If it is perceived different than intended then so be it. Those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter. Those who know me will understand...and those who know me and don't understand will ask. Everyone else...well...do I really care?

I'm done with this for reals...I would be more than happy to hold further discussions with anyone...but I'm not having them with my own worst enemy (my mind) any longer!

CLARIFICATION

Just to clarify. I think there may have been some confusion with my last post "BAGGAGE". I do not know nor have I ever considered Chase Austin a part-time friend nor do I consider Nate Harris a part-time friend. I also do not consider either of these men to be baggage or the cause of baggage in my life. The friendships that I have with each of them are unique and real. The happenings that I shared with each of them are personal and no one's business...but please realize that I cherish their friendships and value them each individually. The connection between the baggage and seeing the article in the LJWorld were not a direct reflection on Chase. They are simply a segway to the fact that friendships are tricky, each is unique, and each means a lot to a person. Sometimes we question those friendships or the intentions of our friends. For me the questioning comes from baggage. I have been hurt by a lot of people...friends and significant others. It is very hard for me to not be sensitive, emotional, and concerned when it comes to my friendships. I have a constant fear of being hurt...that folks is the baggage.

If you read this differently I apologize. If anyone is offended or confused, please let me know.

Chase, Nate, and Nick...if you don't understand or would prefer...I would be more than happy to remove the posts from today and talk with any of you about my thought process here and always.

*muah*Jen

Baggage

Today I open the Kansan just like any other day. Cruise through the headlines straight to my horoscope. HALT!!! My horoscope today...quite an interesting one...and as I read the headlines of the LJWorld...probably a quite fitting one...here goes:

HOROSCOPE: Aquarius: Today is a 6. Get rid of your spare baggage, both literal and figurative. As you've already discovered, you'll need to travel light. That goes for the mental and physical baggage, too, of course.

BAGGAGE...that word really makes me sink. Yes, everyone has baggage and most don't like to admit it. Thing is...baggage seems to be the one thing we want to get rid of yet just can't bear to let go. Reading this today, I think about the past year or so...I have gotten rid of quite a bit of baggage, yet I'm sure that I have added more than I know. Digressing I have to point out that I have alleviated a boyfriend that was probably around way too long, had a terrible fight with a best friend that lasted nearly the entire summer, I have lost two very dear loved ones, changed jobs...how many times now, I'm pretty sure I lost count last April, I have also met a lot of new people (friends and boys) and watched most of them come and go already. Life is funny when it comes to things like that. I'm sure all of the above and many more have added to the current baggage I carry...mentally and physically. I remember going through this little phase back in Novemberish...where I just wanted to throw away everything...including all of my Tupperware. Not sure what that little stint was about, but I've noticed it really isn't over. I'll take something out of the dishwasher and toss it...thinking I don't need this...or walk into the spare bedroom and come out with five things I don't even know why I have. So, now, today, reading this horoscope I reflect on what I need to let go of...really let go of...mentally and physically.

THIS IS FOR REAL: The first indication that I am surrounding myself with the wrong people...not bad people, just people that don't really give a shit about me...or at least don't know how to show it...was opening the LJWorld and seeing the article..."NASCAR driver throws first pitch at the K" (or whatever it was titled). This man (young man) that I thought was a friend hasn't been so much since his last stop in Kansas...why? No f*n clue! All that I know is I don't need to surround myself with people that want to be part-time friends. Regardless of your career or anything else in your life, true friends are friends to the end...they are the friends you had when you were playing on dirt...the ones who will still be at your side when you have your name in lights...or, if you are forced to stop the chase and come back home. Now, that's the kind of friend that I want and the kind of friend I want to be. No folks, I'm not worried about my friendship with Chase. I'm just sayin' your friends shouldn't have to read about shit in the paper...they should already know. I know that there are a lot of variables that go into ones actions and I get that. Now, if one instance turns to pattern, then you have to question things.

WHAT ELSE: This leads to other people in my life. Other instances turning to patterns...Starting with Nathan...I love Nathan to death...our history is interesting...the story of how we met is priceless. We kinda talked for awhile...things didn't work out...we were not at all on the same page. After quite the argument and a little break, we became friends. Nate was an amazing friend...however, it was quickly obvious that the interest hadn't gone anywhere. Yet, today having Nate in my life I see a lot of patterns between us that were there in the beginning. That isn't ok for me. There was a reason I cut Nate out of my life from the start. First time shame on him...please, Nathan, let's not get to shame on me. Question is, to avoid getting there...do I need to make some sort of move? Is this baggage?

Nick...what do you want? That's all I really want to know. Talk about hot and cold, I've said this before...I don't get why this man keeps trying to come and go in my life...for what really??? I have a feeling that there is some baggage there from the first time around...but I also have a feeling for some reason, I don't want to let it go...strange! I don't understand.I could go on forever, but you get the drift...I have multiple male friends that could be the cause for some baggage...I guess technically mental baggage, but I'm not sure.

I have been told a couple of similar things lately from my friends...one said: Jen, do you really need any more guy friends. I know, I have a ton of them, but let's be real...I don't like girls...girls mean drama and I can't deal with that shit. Another said: I think you don't need any more guy friends, you need to date. Ok, fair enough, but why the hell is it that I meet guys...many with great potential for more...yet, I always end up with really great friends. Is that all bad? I don't know the answer. Probably not...but they sure do add to baggage that's already there...WAIT! Maybe that's the real problem.

REAL ISSUE: I think we are finally getting somewhere...maybe. Could the real issue here be the baggage left from my past? The baggage of my last serious relationship. I mean, think about it...that relationship aided in plenty of hurt and/or lost friendships, stress with my family, financial issues, major trust issues...I could probably go on forever. Thing is...I realize that I was in a bad situation and I am no longer in that situation. I don't have any desire to be in that situation again. There is virtually no contact with that person...and I am just fine with that. Let's see where we've gotten since that breakup...

• I have rekindled a few friendships, but unfortunately, the won't be what they were before. I have also made many others.
• I have also worked really hard to be a better part of my family. My family means the world to me and I need to be sure to never let anyone or anything get in the way of my time with them. So far, so good.
• My financial situation is great. I'm finally getting my savings account back and I don't need anyone to pay my bills (never did). My money is mine...no one will be touching that.
• Trust...trust is a whole different beast! Not only were there trust issues in my relationship, it seems there were some trust issues with some of my friendships as well. Bryant and I wouldn't have had nearly the trouble we did had there not been some trust issues there. I believe that if we had truly trusted each other, we would've talked through everything all at once, been on the same page and moved forward. Then there's Nick, the first guy I really really talked to after my break up...the first man I actually spent time with. I trusted him...looking back, probably too much. It was almost like I went from not being able to trust anyone to trusting someone too much. I have no f*n clue half the things he did while we were talking...and that's ok. I just know that I have to be able to find a balance here. When you get hurt over and over, trust is a hard thing to give.
  

BOTTOM LINE: I think the bottom line here is I have to surround myself with people who care about me as much if not more than I can care about them. I'm not sure who these people are in my life, but I'm trying to figure it out. I think having this philosophy is great for family, friends, and potential significant others. My weakness when it comes to dating is letting men get away with things I would never take from friends...that is a work in progress. If I just remember that those who care about me aren't afraid to show it...whether its a text to say what's up...a five minute visit from a friend who's in town just for a couple days...a post on my facebook or myspace page...a card just to say I'm thinkin' of you...anything, little things! I, just like anyone else, want to know that people care about me. Everything else will fall together in due time!

POINT: Wow...this really took a turn from where I started. Just to clarify...this post isn't about a man...havin' a man, wanting a man, getting a man...this post is about friendship...true friendship!!! Also, my spare room still needs some work...there is a lot of physical baggage that I need to get rid of...I'm working on that though...slowly but surely.

TRAVELING LIGHT: The horoscope also says something about knowing that I am going to have to travel light. I don't know what this means really. I do know that I am wanting to move this summer...not sure where I'm moving too...even if it's down the street, I think this move needs to be a fresh start for me. Along with that, I have been searching for a new job...a job I love...a job I'm passionate about. If that comes along, I need to be able to dive in without any other worries. I hope that something will come along where my friends are near...be it in motorsports in Charlotte where Chase is (and these people I used to know...the Bowyers...now I think the Hamburger Helper Hand knows Clint, better than I do, but still) or the NFL where my boys from college live...something in basketball even...development so Nashty and Nate might be around. Or, even, a change of ownership and a place back at Heartland Park wouldn't be so bad...you know dirt has a special place in my heart. Whatever, lies a head I am ready to tackle it...I just hope the people who are there with me then will be there with me now. The people who aren't here with me now...I can't allow to be there with me then. Think about it...what would Diddy do?

Blessings,
Jen

THE MEN IN MY LIFE...

I got to reflecting a little today about the men in my life. I find it very intriguing how different each one is. Now, I'm not talking about my Dad and my baby brother or my little nephews or any other family member. I'm talking about the rest of the guys in my life...the guys who have an impact they probably don't recognize and I'm sure an impact that no one truly understands but God!

There's...

• the one who will always be my best friend...we have a history and a relationship most don't understand. He has a place in my heart that no one can touch...and yes, I know he's in love.
• the one who lives states away...we have secrets we don't need to share & some days there's nothing but business talk there. This one is strange because rarely do our business and personal paths cross on the same day...this one is special, in it's own way.
• the one where ... can say so much and personal and business always touch. One of my best friends he will always be...the questions that could've been answered years ago, forever now will probably be.
• the one who's laugh lights up a room. He can turn your day from miles away. All my girls say he could be perfect for me...and wonder why we can't just get to it already.
• the one who's confused. I think boot camp would do. He's a Katy Perry song to a T...he's hot then he's cold...that shit got old! Now he pops up to say 'what's up'. Why won't he stay gone...some say I don't want this one to be done. I think I deserve more than that...I don't need that kind of crap.
• the one who's a blast from the past...still separated by the Gateway to the West. Two great weekends and curiosity, but distance there will always be.
• the one who's a great friend, yet he would like our talkin' days to start over again. For some reason this one has always been tough...things have always been pretty rough. The only way to make this one clear must be time and prayer!
• last but not least...the one that means a lot to me. For years he has been in and out of my life...but the timing always seems just right. He always knows just what to say and sometimes uses his waterdrop to spin my day. We have had talks of 'what ifs' and just friends...trust we have had our share of misunderstandings. Friends like this don't come along very often and you have to be sure to take them to your coffin!

Each of these men has impacted my life in their own way...and they still are today. I'm not sure how these relationships will fall together and apart. I don't know what they all mean and I don't think knowledge of the meaning is what I need. What I do know is this...for each of them I have been blessed!!!

If you can't figure out which guy is which hit my up and maybe I'll dish.

Apologies as this seemed to have turned rather poetic!

Normal......???

"The only normal people are the ones you don't know very well" -Joe Ancis

This was the Quote of the Day when I logged on to check my blog this morning. It caught my eye because if you think about it...it is so true!!! Normal is the TV anchor woman who was born and raised in the town she is reporting in with 2 beautiful kids, married to the rival stations anchor man. I'm sure that as with each of us if you dig a little deeper, her world isn't so perfect, isn't so normal, any more than yours or mine.

I know that I could go through my facebook friends list and myspace too for that matter and tell you one thing that makes each of my friends not normal, but I'll save them from that. I guess that raises the question of what is normal. Is normal the perfect little life? Living the American Dream? OR is normal having your share of issues, yet being able to forget them and think about nothing but your dirt track friends the moment 'Chicken Fried' comes on the radio?

Regardless of your definition of normal, I think it is all relative. Your normal is probably not my normal and my normal surely isn't yours. Yet, when it comes down to it, nothing in life is perfect. If we all remember that perfection isn't normal, then in a sense we each are normal regardless of our abnormalities!