THE MEN IN MY LIFE...

I got to reflecting a little today about the men in my life. I find it very intriguing how different each one is. Now, I'm not talking about my Dad and my baby brother or my little nephews or any other family member. I'm talking about the rest of the guys in my life...the guys who have an impact they probably don't recognize and I'm sure an impact that no one truly understands but God!

There's...

• the one who will always be my best friend...we have a history and a relationship most don't understand. He has a place in my heart that no one can touch...and yes, I know he's in love.
• the one who lives states away...we have secrets we don't need to share & some days there's nothing but business talk there. This one is strange because rarely do our business and personal paths cross on the same day...this one is special, in it's own way.
• the one where ... can say so much and personal and business always touch. One of my best friends he will always be...the questions that could've been answered years ago, forever now will probably be.
• the one who's laugh lights up a room. He can turn your day from miles away. All my girls say he could be perfect for me...and wonder why we can't just get to it already.
• the one who's confused. I think boot camp would do. He's a Katy Perry song to a T...he's hot then he's cold...that shit got old! Now he pops up to say 'what's up'. Why won't he stay gone...some say I don't want this one to be done. I think I deserve more than that...I don't need that kind of crap.
• the one who's a blast from the past...still separated by the Gateway to the West. Two great weekends and curiosity, but distance there will always be.
• the one who's a great friend, yet he would like our talkin' days to start over again. For some reason this one has always been tough...things have always been pretty rough. The only way to make this one clear must be time and prayer!
• last but not least...the one that means a lot to me. For years he has been in and out of my life...but the timing always seems just right. He always knows just what to say and sometimes uses his waterdrop to spin my day. We have had talks of 'what ifs' and just friends...trust we have had our share of misunderstandings. Friends like this don't come along very often and you have to be sure to take them to your coffin!

Each of these men has impacted my life in their own way...and they still are today. I'm not sure how these relationships will fall together and apart. I don't know what they all mean and I don't think knowledge of the meaning is what I need. What I do know is this...for each of them I have been blessed!!!

If you can't figure out which guy is which hit my up and maybe I'll dish.

Apologies as this seemed to have turned rather poetic!

Normal......???

"The only normal people are the ones you don't know very well" -Joe Ancis

This was the Quote of the Day when I logged on to check my blog this morning. It caught my eye because if you think about it...it is so true!!! Normal is the TV anchor woman who was born and raised in the town she is reporting in with 2 beautiful kids, married to the rival stations anchor man. I'm sure that as with each of us if you dig a little deeper, her world isn't so perfect, isn't so normal, any more than yours or mine.

I know that I could go through my facebook friends list and myspace too for that matter and tell you one thing that makes each of my friends not normal, but I'll save them from that. I guess that raises the question of what is normal. Is normal the perfect little life? Living the American Dream? OR is normal having your share of issues, yet being able to forget them and think about nothing but your dirt track friends the moment 'Chicken Fried' comes on the radio?

Regardless of your definition of normal, I think it is all relative. Your normal is probably not my normal and my normal surely isn't yours. Yet, when it comes down to it, nothing in life is perfect. If we all remember that perfection isn't normal, then in a sense we each are normal regardless of our abnormalities!

Daddy says:

So this weekend I went back to Topeka. As you all know there has been plenty of talk as to where I will be living when my lease is up in July.

If all of our dreams came true and money grew on trees I'd probably be packing up for a career in NASCAR country or heading to the west side of the Rockies to live the simple life.

As I digress back to reality I see that the more realistic options are:

• Stay here in Lawrence where I would be living 6 minutes from work and a minimum of 30 minutes from family and any in-state friends.
• Move to Eudora where the cost of living may be slightly less. I would have the small town atmosphere and a simple drive to Lawrence for work or KC for fun. Yet, my family would be a minimum 45 minutes or more away.
• Move to the KC Metro area and be near plenty of shopping and other things to do. A few 'friends'...yes I use the term loosely as I'm not sure how many close/true friends I have in the Metro anymore.

As I traveled to Topeka with this weighing heavy on my mind Sunday morning I am welcomed by my family who has seemingly been pondering as well. They have a morning slated of a drive to my Uncle Dale's condo as well as a ride through Hunter's Ridge to see what is available there. The condo is nice, but I'm not sold. Northrock looks great from the outside, yet I have heard it's not great when it comes down to it...a nice share of disturbances and vehicle break-ins.

Standing in the back yard watching the grill and nature later that afternoon, my father pulls up a chair and tells me to have a seat. I know this is the prelude to..."this is what I think you should do." Yet my parents have always tried to never tell us what to do...they just tend to attempt to guide us along. Dad tells me point blank..."I think it's high time you start making decisions for yourself...it seems like you've always made decisions based on other people and never for you. It's time you do something for yourself and only you...whatever that is. Just do something for you!!!" As I used my sunglasses to shield the tears forming at the corner of my eyes I knew my father was right. From the day I moved out of the house at the age of 18 I only remember one time making a decision for me and only me. That was when I decided that when Missy left for grad school and Cori went to Wichita I was going to live alone!!! Not with my pleading boyfriend, not back in with my parents...ALONE, just me! Other than that, I cannot remember another time in the 8 years since I left Topeka that I have made a semi-big/major decision on my own with no outside influences. Something just for me.

That said, I've done a lot of thinking...a lot of talking out loud to Walker as a sounding board and nothing else. I think it's high time for me to head home.

Mind you if the Hamburger Helper hand knocks some sense into Clint or Chase gets an amazing sponsorship and either of them makes my phone ring with a request for my presences in North Carolina I'm in the truck on the way to KCI before the phone call is over...guaranteed!!! However, I'm sure that will be the day all our dreams come true and we see money replacing leaves in the trees of our backyards.

For now, I look homeward bound.

Makin' Moves!

You know it's funny how you don't realize how many connections to your passion you truly have until you sit down with your address book and start sending out emails!!!

I love this feeling and needed the confidence booster!!!

Thank you to everyone for your help and support now and always!

Love you and and God Bless!

~Jen

More than just a song?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3IDXz9E5efc

Check out the link to the above song and read on....

You know there are a lot of things in life that just make sense...yet there are so many more that just don't. However, when things get confusing and you run across a situation that has too many happenings that are too ironic to be coincidence you have to stop and take notice. A lot of what we do and how we act is completely subconscious...we don't even realize what we are doing or how we are communicating about situations. A lot of time we try to hide the truth from ourselves and each other...I know that I do it all the time. Yet, somehow, the truth always comes out. As Rob says...quoting the Good Book of course..."What happens in the dark always comes to the light." We can push thoughts and feelings away as much as we want...somehow, someway, sometime God is going to make us face whatever it is we are pushing away. It may not be in a timing that is good for us or good for the other people involved, but it will be the timing that we need. So as I listen to the lyrics of this song moments after a conversation that was long over due I have to wonder if it is related...if the lyrics have deeper meaning to a situation than just a great jam that is fun to listen to. When it was posted, it could have simply been a great song...but if you listen to the words...it's uncanny that this is the awesome song that was posted moments after a discussion that in your words is complicated. In my world it doesn't have to be complicated. It wasn't working for either of us the way it was going...so...it just needs to go back to square one...in this instance, square one is friendship...something that was skipped the first time around. I am a firm believer in the fact that good friends are hard to come by and if you get the chance to spend time with someone that you like and enjoy you should. Nick- in this situation, one of a few things are going to happen. 1-We are going to kick it and it is going to be awkward...one of us will speak up and recognize that and adjust from there...2-Feelings are going to get involved be it from you or from me or from both and we will have to adjust from there...or...3-It won't be awkward and there will be no feelings involved to make the situation complicated and we will end up with a great friendship. There is no way in this world that we can predict which of these we are going to face. Whichever it is, it's exactly what we need when we need it and we will deal with it accordingly. In your saying that it is just complicated...if there's more to it than this, I'm missing something...and whatever that may be...it'll come to the light...and that's ok.

For now, I keep praying that whatever we are each going through individually and together we will get through it in a way that is best for each of us...and as we move forward with our friendship I pray that it will all fall together just the way it is supposed to with no awkwardness and no tension.

Now, all we can do is hangout and see what happens from there. :) Simple as that...right? I think so.

Thank you to Nate Harris for pushing me to do what is best for me. I will never forget you saying to me: "Clear your mind and listen to your heart...that's like God talkin' to you right there." Well, Nathan, I'm trying on a daily basis, sometimes it's not easy to hear your heart through your mind...but, I suggest that everyone give it a shot...you may just find exactly what you are looking for.

Ketchup

So as you have noticed...I have been slightly negligent of the blog these days. There is a good reason for that!!!

Yes...that is my finger...the pointer finger on my right hand to be exact...and no that's not sharpie scribbles! What you are looking at are my first four stitches from my first ever visit to the ER. Mark it down folks...Feb. 17th, 2009, 26 year old Jennifer Brown makes her first trip to the ER. Although you all may say that's nothing, for me it was quite the night. After pushing a paper plate into the trash can and having the lid from a can of black beans come through the plate and my finger I had to drive myself to the ER. Thanks to Gregg and Dawn for keeping me calm through the drive as Nick didn't answer (stupid workout!). The gentleman at the ER was a very Dr. McDreamy x 10 kinda guy, but that didn't cover the fact he was about to load my finger with needles! Thank God Mom and Dad arrived in Lawrence in their first trip to Lawrence Memorial Hospital just in time to watch me scream my way through the numbing process. I kid you not while my face was buried in my Mom's side I'm pretty sure every word in the DICTIONARY of WASH YOUR MOUTH WITH SOAP came out of my mouth along with the revelation that maybe adoption is a safer path for me...or rather the man who gets me knocked up and has to handle the child birthing process because I'm positive I couldn't take an epidural...and frankly, I'm not sure I could handle a slight contraction after feeling the pain caused by that little injury to my finger. I'm sure you are rolling laughing that this point, but it wasn't f*n funny! The numbing juice being shot into my finger felt like someone turned a firehouse on inside of my pointer. NOT COOL!

Although, I am still typing with nine fingers, I couldn't wait any longer to tell you all about it. As my parents pointed out, it was a good thing Nick was at the gym because had he been there to live that with me, he'd probably never talk to me again. This I'm sure is true as he called just after the initial needle episode and called me a choice alternative to cat for being in tears. Don't get me wrong this man was super supportive and caring throughout the night with multiple phone calls. So, still today for the support he has provided and the fact that he wasn't there to witness such a traumatic event in person...I THANK GOD!!!

Yes, I know some of you are more puzzled now than ever...I did say Nick, yes the Nick that had me flustered to the point of no return just a few weeks ago. Trust me, if you don't know the skinny already, that's a story for a different day. Just know this...I'M HAPPY!!! :)

Another story for another day! I chopped my hair off...I need to take photos and get that story up as well...it sure is a doozy!

Until next time...Goodnight and I love you all!

Valentine's Day

Whether you think that Valentine's Day is a great day to show how much you care about that special someone or a commercialized holiday for the sole benefit of greeting card companies...NEWSFLASH...it's still important to the ladies! However, I am pondering the significance. It's seems kind of like every other holiday or birthday. You want to hear from those who care about you...especially that special someone if there is one. As your phone goes off over and over throughout the day you begin to notice who cares and who's thinking about you and who perceivably just isn't. Yes fella's no matter how good your thoughts or intentions, your actions lead us to perceptions. Someone once told me...perception becomes reality. I actually believe this is quite possibly very true. That said gentlemen...be sure that your thoughts, intentions, actions, and the perceptions that go along with them are in line with that special lady's needs, wants, thoughts, etc. AND HELLO, IT MAY ACTUALLY TAKE SOME COMMUNICATION TO FIGURE THIS OUT!

We've all heard of the new movie He's Just Not That Into You...but what you probably don't realize is that every woman in America has already read the book. Yes that means that we've been told that there is always time in that crazy, busy, impossible schedule for you to pick up the phone if you really want to...damn, most of us would even take a text for starters. Just remember if you ARE that into her...SHOW HER...because I guarantee if you aren't someone else is...and you can only push a woman so far before she turns around and walks away on her own.

Now that I'm through with that cliche loaded bit...
Good luck to all you fellas out there...and more importantly hang in there ladies!

Goodnight and I love you all!!!
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!