Valentine's Day

Whether you think that Valentine's Day is a great day to show how much you care about that special someone or a commercialized holiday for the sole benefit of greeting card companies...NEWSFLASH...it's still important to the ladies! However, I am pondering the significance. It's seems kind of like every other holiday or birthday. You want to hear from those who care about you...especially that special someone if there is one. As your phone goes off over and over throughout the day you begin to notice who cares and who's thinking about you and who perceivably just isn't. Yes fella's no matter how good your thoughts or intentions, your actions lead us to perceptions. Someone once told me...perception becomes reality. I actually believe this is quite possibly very true. That said gentlemen...be sure that your thoughts, intentions, actions, and the perceptions that go along with them are in line with that special lady's needs, wants, thoughts, etc. AND HELLO, IT MAY ACTUALLY TAKE SOME COMMUNICATION TO FIGURE THIS OUT!

We've all heard of the new movie He's Just Not That Into You...but what you probably don't realize is that every woman in America has already read the book. Yes that means that we've been told that there is always time in that crazy, busy, impossible schedule for you to pick up the phone if you really want to...damn, most of us would even take a text for starters. Just remember if you ARE that into her...SHOW HER...because I guarantee if you aren't someone else is...and you can only push a woman so far before she turns around and walks away on her own.

Now that I'm through with that cliche loaded bit...
Good luck to all you fellas out there...and more importantly hang in there ladies!

Goodnight and I love you all!!!
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!

People

We all know that people come into our lives for a reason. Some come into our lives momentarily and others stay forever. Human nature sometimes leads us to wish that certain people would come into our lives and some do, yet some never will. The part that we need to embrace is that God brings us the people that we need, not the people that we want. Although sometimes we try to push these people back out of our lives too soon (Nate) or we hang on to them too long (Jericho) we have to realize that everyone crosses our path for a reason and they will be there as long as it takes to complish the mission God has sent them on. There are even some that come in and out over and over (Bryant) to accomplish this. Another thing that is only natural to us is to try to figure out the reason certain people our in our lives or why certain people were taken out before we were ready. We could spend forever doing this, when really all we need to do is take each day one day at a time and embrace the people around us at any given moment.

Sure I wonder why some of the people I have known have gone again...some I'm not sure why they are still here now. Others, I'm sure will pop back into my world at some point...when they do, I guess it is my duty to greet them with open arms and know that they are here for a reason and although I may never know what that is I need them to be here.

So, take a moment to reflect on the individuals that have crossed your path in this life and remember who's lives you may have touched. Know that although some have made you cry, some have hurt you, and others have made you smile or brought you some of the moments you will never forget, each one carried a purpose in your life and you in theirs.

To everyone who has touched my life: Thank you. I know the chore hasn't always been an easy one to carry through, but you have succeeded. Those of you who are still here...well, it seems our work is not yet done. Hopefully most of you are here or have been here because you wanted to be, not just because I needed you. When I say my prayers each night, please know I will thank God for you and for the lessons learned and those still to come. I love you all in your own special way.

Goodnight!

There's no place like home.

You know how sometimes you just need to go home. You can't explain to people why...but you just have to get in the car and go. It is amazing because when you surround yourself with people that you love and that you know love you, even for just a couple hours, you just feel better. You could have a million things going on in your life and not want to talk about one but just being with those people makes everything else just go away for that time period.

Last night I went home for a couple hours, had dinner with the fam, watched a little American Idol, and came home with a nice care package of groceries! In that short amount of time I got a much needed escape from life. I forgot how much those little visits can really mean. I am so blessed to have my family close enough to hop in the car on a whim and head home for the evening.

It's my birthday!!!

Today is my birthday and I think it is a good day to recognize the things that I need to focus on as I move forward. As a good friend told me...I should look at today like my own personal New Year's!

One of the biggest things I need to work on is over-thinking and worrying too much. I have never been good at avoiding this. For some reason my brain just gets to working double-time and I get consumed. Another thing that seems to go hand-in-hand with this to some extent is my patience. Although I have had my moments with this one where I have been doing great lately...there have still been moments when I haven't. I am not known for being the most patient person in the world...in fact I'm pretty well known for being just the opposite. Next is the whole living in the moment thing...as in putting down the BlackBerry and being in the present moment with the people I am surrounded by rather than in a world consumed by that damn phone and those of you that live inside of it. This will be a tough one, but I think I can make some progress and know that everyone around me will be grateful. So with those taking priority others include, spending more time with my family, working on my finances...including leaving that credit card locked up, working out on a regular basis as well as many other things to better my health and appearance, re-thinking what I want out of a career and how to get it, always keep my faith, and most importantly to be Jen and do any and everything the Jen way!

So as we consider this day one...I say so far so good!

Thank you to each and every one of you that made this a wonderful birthday! This whole weekend and today have been absolutely amazing! THANK YOU!

Goodnight and I love you all!

MY MIND IS MY WORST ENEMY

I was told today that my mind is my worst enemy. I couldn't agree more. I am the worst over-thinker ever. I am always over-thinking and over-analyzing everything!!! It's who I am. I wish that I could just switch it off, believe me, but I haven' t found the switch just yet.

The next piece of advice I was given was, "Start seeing WHAT YOU KNOW not WHAT YOU THINK!". If that doesn't put things in perspective.

Since I have also been so indecisive when it comes to what is really on my mind and what I should share with you I think I will take the information above and touch on all 5 topics I was throwing around last night.

1) Nick and the fact that he showed up Tuesday and totally redeemed himself from the weekend!

I know that I have managed to complain a few times or be impatient and slightly confused...and I've definitely over-thought when it comes to this man...but, really all the over-thinking aside...Nick is amazing and I am really glad that we are getting to know each other. He is a great guy and although sometimes his laid-back attitude drives me crazy he is pretty darn amazing. He has taught me a lot already about myself, what I'm ready for, what I'm not, what I've been through, what I want to avoid...patience even (to an extent). Although many people would think the situation is weird or doesn't make sense it seems to be working and I'm just fine with going with the flow so that everyone is happy and comfortable. NOW, CONVINCING MY MIND OF THE THINGS I JUST TOLD YOU THAT I KNOW....THAT'S A WHOLE DIFFERENT BATTLE! ;-)

2) Racing: Bowyer's in a new ride and Chase got a truck deal!

We all know that Clint is good...no one has ever questioned that. He had a very successful 2008 season and I'm sure that 2009 will be no different. Fact or fiction: I did receive an email saying that his diva ways didn't make Old Man Jack very happy thus he's back to snackin' on Cheerios! Not sure how true this is...but I know first hand Mr. Bowyer can be quite the diva!

Chase on the other hand...Chase is a very confident young man who has had his confidence tested more than once since he left the dirt he loved for NC. Chase has never given up and the love and support of his family have stayed as strong as ever and it looks like this could be paying off. Chase will be in a truck this year trying to prove himself to all of NASCAR that he's got the foot to run with the big boys!

I have full confidence that these two will be able to show their Kansas born talent off in 2009...I just hope that Chase doesn't follow in Clint's footsteps when it comes to his memory of where he's from and who has helped him get there.

The only reason this topic makes me over think is simple...where they are vs. where I am and where I want to be...see 4!

3) The fact that my bff in TX just pops up to remind me that he still doesn't think I know what I want and won't believe that I do until I'm walking down the aisle...oh and just a side note he wanted to check on my self-confidence and see if it was back to the level it was in college!

Well Mr. Nash...for the record I think this goes deeper than a "hey how ya doin'?"...but we won't go there this time! What I know is that I may not know exactly what I do want, but I know enough to figure out what I'm ok with and what I'm not. I also know that my confidence is doing just fine. I'm getting attention from a great man...and there are others that would be happy to be giving me the same attention. I am still the independent and confident Jen you knew back on the Hill, I'm just a little more grown up now. Yes this year has been hell for me and our friendship, but I'm good. I have learned a lot...about both myself and you...and I guess that means I've learned a little something about our friendship too.

Yes B I still over-think on this one too...I over-think about college, I over-think about not going to TX or Germany last fall, I over-think this summer, and I over-think all the time in-between...but you know I'm good with it. It all is what it is and who knows from there. I have learned to take you at face value when you come around and to let it lie when you don't.

Whether you have faith in me or not, I have faith in myself...I am confident that although I don't know exactly what I want...the way you mean it as well as in every other aspect of my life, I know that I will figure it out as it comes. Someday, in a church, somewhere, I will look you eye to eye (even if I have to stand on a chair) and watch you tell me that your faith in me has been restored. I can't wait...but hopefully it doesn't take that long for you to get back there again!

4) My career...where it is, where I want it to be, what to do about it.

This is one that has my mind a lot. I am not sold that I even know where I want to be or what I want to do about where I am now or where I am going, but I can give you what I know. I know that I don't want to be where I am right now for the rest of my life. I know that talking to Chase last night, watching the NASCAR news, and talking to Dusty and Walker on a regular basis that I miss Motorsports more than I can explain to you. Also, it is basketball season and I do work on the campus of the University of Kansas...that and talking to B.Nashty, Step, TStubbs, and all the rest on a regular basis I remember back to our college days and how much I love working with student-athletes and how much I enjoy college sports altogether.

I know when push comes to shove my heart is at the track...I'm just not sure how to get there again.

I will continue to over-think and pray about this one for some time to come...but I have faith that someday I will be right where I want to be.

5) It's my birthday Monday!!!

I don't think you can ever be too old for birthdays! I am very excited to go out to eat and to the bars with some friends on Saturday night. I really hope that Nick, Mike, Strick, and Danielle will meet up with us when the Slipknot concert is over. Hopefully it will be a good time.

I am also looking forward to the family dinner...it is always the one constant when you think about birthdays!

As for Monday...the big day...I have no idea what I'm going to do! :-( I'll figure it out I'm sure.

Anyway...I'm trying not to think about this one too much just go with the flow I know regardless of who I'm spending my time with it will be a great birthday!

OK, Well enough chatter for now. I will try to ward off my worst enemy and see what I know not what I think. We all know this isn't going to be easy for me, but my life really is pretty special right now.

Love you all!

Decisions Decisions - Viewer's Choice!

So I have been wanting to blog all week, but just can't decide what to blog about. I have lots of crazy thoughts, but nothing solid enough for a blog entry. Thus, I have decided to list my thoughts and hopefully it will spark some more ideas or you all can throw in your opinions and get me writing again!

1)Nick and the fact that he showed up Tuesday and totally redeemed himself from the weekend!
2)Racing: Bowyer's in a new ride and Chase got a truck deal!
3)The fact that my bff in TX just pops up to remind me that he still doesn't think I know what I want and won't believe that I do until I'm walking down the aisle...oh and just a side note he wanted to check on myself confidence and see if it was back to the level it was in college!
4)My career...where it is, where I want it to be, what to do about it.
5)Its my Birthday Monday!!!

Let me know what you think...maybe I'll decide tomorrow!

Goodnight and I love you!

Cry Baby

Can you believe it...I am sitting here in tears over something a boy did...after I told myself that I wouldn't cry over him. My feelings are hurt. Granted the initial hurt could be chalked up to my sensitivity and not giving him the benefit of the doubt, but now I'm just pissed off.

Things happen in my daily life that I want to talk about. I don't need to talk every day or anything, but when I feel the need to talk or need a little support, the last thing I want is to not be able to get ahold of someone. When I can't get ahold of the person and they don't call me back, my frustration just builds. I try to make every excuse I can for people...but sometimes I just can't do it anymore. At some point no matter how patient I try to be Jen comes out. Late into the evening on day three and two unreturned phone calls later a "Whats you up to" just doesn't do it for me. A request for call and another evening without it leaves me spitting flames by the time I wake up. A conversation to clear it up and plans for the evening pacify me for the time being, but then when you can't even come through on your plans. Now what do you want me to think? How do you expect me to feel? I'm not mad...no I think it is deeper than that. I'm hurt. I feel like my feelings, my time, well just me isn't important to you. I feel like this is truly a relationship of convenience for you and that what I think, feel, or want doesn't matter. If that is the case we need to get that handled...

For those of you that know me, you know that I am not one to keep my mouth shut and I'm not one to just go with the flow if I don't like where the flow is going. I have tried so hard to be more patient and to not get frustrated, to not punish other people for my past. With this one I have not only tried to be patient and laid back, I have even relinquished control. All along though I have told myself to hold back, to not get in too deep...and here I am crying about a boy that I promised myself I wouldn't let get to me like that. I guess on the positive side I think we just got our first fight out of the way...no it's not over...there are still things that need to be discussed and there is still tension that needs to be eased, but it no longer needs to be a fight...I feel like we can now just talk about it and move on.

I am an emotional girl and I always will be. I will not be taken advantage of, used, or misled in any manner. My fear is that I am being somewhat taken advantage of...and that's not ok.

Someone who I am sure would rather be the one having this fight with me than talking to me about it told me this morning that I need to realize how many steps forward this relationship has made and take at least that many back and think about Jen for a minute. Well Nate, as easy as that sounds, you and I both know that it is not. That said, I think that may be just what I need to do. I am frustrated and this isn't going my way...in the words of a best friend...this just isn't working for me. What will make it work...or will it? Do I want it to? These are questions I have to answer on my own. I'm not sure I know all the answers, but I'm pretty sure God's heard just about enough of the questions.

Don't get me wrong...Nick is amazing. I really like him and enjoy spending time with him. There are just some things that I can't handle anymore...some things that I just can't be that passive about...it just isn't me. I don't want any of you to think that he is a major jerkwad or that he did anything super wrong. He is still a great guy that makes me smile most of the time. The problem is me. The problem is I tried to be someone else when it came to my patience and what I let get on my nerves and what I didn't. Now, he just needs a little dose of Jen and we'll all be ok.

Thanks to all of my nearest and dearest friends for listening to me about this the past 24 hours. Hopefully I've got it all out of my system for the time being.

Goodnight and I love you all!

*Oh and a side note...please stop eating peanut butter for me...just until the FDA has this whole mess all figured out. I can't handle another crisis.*