More than just a song?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3IDXz9E5efc

Check out the link to the above song and read on....

You know there are a lot of things in life that just make sense...yet there are so many more that just don't. However, when things get confusing and you run across a situation that has too many happenings that are too ironic to be coincidence you have to stop and take notice. A lot of what we do and how we act is completely subconscious...we don't even realize what we are doing or how we are communicating about situations. A lot of time we try to hide the truth from ourselves and each other...I know that I do it all the time. Yet, somehow, the truth always comes out. As Rob says...quoting the Good Book of course..."What happens in the dark always comes to the light." We can push thoughts and feelings away as much as we want...somehow, someway, sometime God is going to make us face whatever it is we are pushing away. It may not be in a timing that is good for us or good for the other people involved, but it will be the timing that we need. So as I listen to the lyrics of this song moments after a conversation that was long over due I have to wonder if it is related...if the lyrics have deeper meaning to a situation than just a great jam that is fun to listen to. When it was posted, it could have simply been a great song...but if you listen to the words...it's uncanny that this is the awesome song that was posted moments after a discussion that in your words is complicated. In my world it doesn't have to be complicated. It wasn't working for either of us the way it was going...so...it just needs to go back to square one...in this instance, square one is friendship...something that was skipped the first time around. I am a firm believer in the fact that good friends are hard to come by and if you get the chance to spend time with someone that you like and enjoy you should. Nick- in this situation, one of a few things are going to happen. 1-We are going to kick it and it is going to be awkward...one of us will speak up and recognize that and adjust from there...2-Feelings are going to get involved be it from you or from me or from both and we will have to adjust from there...or...3-It won't be awkward and there will be no feelings involved to make the situation complicated and we will end up with a great friendship. There is no way in this world that we can predict which of these we are going to face. Whichever it is, it's exactly what we need when we need it and we will deal with it accordingly. In your saying that it is just complicated...if there's more to it than this, I'm missing something...and whatever that may be...it'll come to the light...and that's ok.

For now, I keep praying that whatever we are each going through individually and together we will get through it in a way that is best for each of us...and as we move forward with our friendship I pray that it will all fall together just the way it is supposed to with no awkwardness and no tension.

Now, all we can do is hangout and see what happens from there. :) Simple as that...right? I think so.

Thank you to Nate Harris for pushing me to do what is best for me. I will never forget you saying to me: "Clear your mind and listen to your heart...that's like God talkin' to you right there." Well, Nathan, I'm trying on a daily basis, sometimes it's not easy to hear your heart through your mind...but, I suggest that everyone give it a shot...you may just find exactly what you are looking for.

Ketchup

So as you have noticed...I have been slightly negligent of the blog these days. There is a good reason for that!!!

Yes...that is my finger...the pointer finger on my right hand to be exact...and no that's not sharpie scribbles! What you are looking at are my first four stitches from my first ever visit to the ER. Mark it down folks...Feb. 17th, 2009, 26 year old Jennifer Brown makes her first trip to the ER. Although you all may say that's nothing, for me it was quite the night. After pushing a paper plate into the trash can and having the lid from a can of black beans come through the plate and my finger I had to drive myself to the ER. Thanks to Gregg and Dawn for keeping me calm through the drive as Nick didn't answer (stupid workout!). The gentleman at the ER was a very Dr. McDreamy x 10 kinda guy, but that didn't cover the fact he was about to load my finger with needles! Thank God Mom and Dad arrived in Lawrence in their first trip to Lawrence Memorial Hospital just in time to watch me scream my way through the numbing process. I kid you not while my face was buried in my Mom's side I'm pretty sure every word in the DICTIONARY of WASH YOUR MOUTH WITH SOAP came out of my mouth along with the revelation that maybe adoption is a safer path for me...or rather the man who gets me knocked up and has to handle the child birthing process because I'm positive I couldn't take an epidural...and frankly, I'm not sure I could handle a slight contraction after feeling the pain caused by that little injury to my finger. I'm sure you are rolling laughing that this point, but it wasn't f*n funny! The numbing juice being shot into my finger felt like someone turned a firehouse on inside of my pointer. NOT COOL!

Although, I am still typing with nine fingers, I couldn't wait any longer to tell you all about it. As my parents pointed out, it was a good thing Nick was at the gym because had he been there to live that with me, he'd probably never talk to me again. This I'm sure is true as he called just after the initial needle episode and called me a choice alternative to cat for being in tears. Don't get me wrong this man was super supportive and caring throughout the night with multiple phone calls. So, still today for the support he has provided and the fact that he wasn't there to witness such a traumatic event in person...I THANK GOD!!!

Yes, I know some of you are more puzzled now than ever...I did say Nick, yes the Nick that had me flustered to the point of no return just a few weeks ago. Trust me, if you don't know the skinny already, that's a story for a different day. Just know this...I'M HAPPY!!! :)

Another story for another day! I chopped my hair off...I need to take photos and get that story up as well...it sure is a doozy!

Until next time...Goodnight and I love you all!

Valentine's Day

Whether you think that Valentine's Day is a great day to show how much you care about that special someone or a commercialized holiday for the sole benefit of greeting card companies...NEWSFLASH...it's still important to the ladies! However, I am pondering the significance. It's seems kind of like every other holiday or birthday. You want to hear from those who care about you...especially that special someone if there is one. As your phone goes off over and over throughout the day you begin to notice who cares and who's thinking about you and who perceivably just isn't. Yes fella's no matter how good your thoughts or intentions, your actions lead us to perceptions. Someone once told me...perception becomes reality. I actually believe this is quite possibly very true. That said gentlemen...be sure that your thoughts, intentions, actions, and the perceptions that go along with them are in line with that special lady's needs, wants, thoughts, etc. AND HELLO, IT MAY ACTUALLY TAKE SOME COMMUNICATION TO FIGURE THIS OUT!

We've all heard of the new movie He's Just Not That Into You...but what you probably don't realize is that every woman in America has already read the book. Yes that means that we've been told that there is always time in that crazy, busy, impossible schedule for you to pick up the phone if you really want to...damn, most of us would even take a text for starters. Just remember if you ARE that into her...SHOW HER...because I guarantee if you aren't someone else is...and you can only push a woman so far before she turns around and walks away on her own.

Now that I'm through with that cliche loaded bit...
Good luck to all you fellas out there...and more importantly hang in there ladies!

Goodnight and I love you all!!!
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!

People

We all know that people come into our lives for a reason. Some come into our lives momentarily and others stay forever. Human nature sometimes leads us to wish that certain people would come into our lives and some do, yet some never will. The part that we need to embrace is that God brings us the people that we need, not the people that we want. Although sometimes we try to push these people back out of our lives too soon (Nate) or we hang on to them too long (Jericho) we have to realize that everyone crosses our path for a reason and they will be there as long as it takes to complish the mission God has sent them on. There are even some that come in and out over and over (Bryant) to accomplish this. Another thing that is only natural to us is to try to figure out the reason certain people our in our lives or why certain people were taken out before we were ready. We could spend forever doing this, when really all we need to do is take each day one day at a time and embrace the people around us at any given moment.

Sure I wonder why some of the people I have known have gone again...some I'm not sure why they are still here now. Others, I'm sure will pop back into my world at some point...when they do, I guess it is my duty to greet them with open arms and know that they are here for a reason and although I may never know what that is I need them to be here.

So, take a moment to reflect on the individuals that have crossed your path in this life and remember who's lives you may have touched. Know that although some have made you cry, some have hurt you, and others have made you smile or brought you some of the moments you will never forget, each one carried a purpose in your life and you in theirs.

To everyone who has touched my life: Thank you. I know the chore hasn't always been an easy one to carry through, but you have succeeded. Those of you who are still here...well, it seems our work is not yet done. Hopefully most of you are here or have been here because you wanted to be, not just because I needed you. When I say my prayers each night, please know I will thank God for you and for the lessons learned and those still to come. I love you all in your own special way.

Goodnight!

There's no place like home.

You know how sometimes you just need to go home. You can't explain to people why...but you just have to get in the car and go. It is amazing because when you surround yourself with people that you love and that you know love you, even for just a couple hours, you just feel better. You could have a million things going on in your life and not want to talk about one but just being with those people makes everything else just go away for that time period.

Last night I went home for a couple hours, had dinner with the fam, watched a little American Idol, and came home with a nice care package of groceries! In that short amount of time I got a much needed escape from life. I forgot how much those little visits can really mean. I am so blessed to have my family close enough to hop in the car on a whim and head home for the evening.

It's my birthday!!!

Today is my birthday and I think it is a good day to recognize the things that I need to focus on as I move forward. As a good friend told me...I should look at today like my own personal New Year's!

One of the biggest things I need to work on is over-thinking and worrying too much. I have never been good at avoiding this. For some reason my brain just gets to working double-time and I get consumed. Another thing that seems to go hand-in-hand with this to some extent is my patience. Although I have had my moments with this one where I have been doing great lately...there have still been moments when I haven't. I am not known for being the most patient person in the world...in fact I'm pretty well known for being just the opposite. Next is the whole living in the moment thing...as in putting down the BlackBerry and being in the present moment with the people I am surrounded by rather than in a world consumed by that damn phone and those of you that live inside of it. This will be a tough one, but I think I can make some progress and know that everyone around me will be grateful. So with those taking priority others include, spending more time with my family, working on my finances...including leaving that credit card locked up, working out on a regular basis as well as many other things to better my health and appearance, re-thinking what I want out of a career and how to get it, always keep my faith, and most importantly to be Jen and do any and everything the Jen way!

So as we consider this day one...I say so far so good!

Thank you to each and every one of you that made this a wonderful birthday! This whole weekend and today have been absolutely amazing! THANK YOU!

Goodnight and I love you all!

MY MIND IS MY WORST ENEMY

I was told today that my mind is my worst enemy. I couldn't agree more. I am the worst over-thinker ever. I am always over-thinking and over-analyzing everything!!! It's who I am. I wish that I could just switch it off, believe me, but I haven' t found the switch just yet.

The next piece of advice I was given was, "Start seeing WHAT YOU KNOW not WHAT YOU THINK!". If that doesn't put things in perspective.

Since I have also been so indecisive when it comes to what is really on my mind and what I should share with you I think I will take the information above and touch on all 5 topics I was throwing around last night.

1) Nick and the fact that he showed up Tuesday and totally redeemed himself from the weekend!

I know that I have managed to complain a few times or be impatient and slightly confused...and I've definitely over-thought when it comes to this man...but, really all the over-thinking aside...Nick is amazing and I am really glad that we are getting to know each other. He is a great guy and although sometimes his laid-back attitude drives me crazy he is pretty darn amazing. He has taught me a lot already about myself, what I'm ready for, what I'm not, what I've been through, what I want to avoid...patience even (to an extent). Although many people would think the situation is weird or doesn't make sense it seems to be working and I'm just fine with going with the flow so that everyone is happy and comfortable. NOW, CONVINCING MY MIND OF THE THINGS I JUST TOLD YOU THAT I KNOW....THAT'S A WHOLE DIFFERENT BATTLE! ;-)

2) Racing: Bowyer's in a new ride and Chase got a truck deal!

We all know that Clint is good...no one has ever questioned that. He had a very successful 2008 season and I'm sure that 2009 will be no different. Fact or fiction: I did receive an email saying that his diva ways didn't make Old Man Jack very happy thus he's back to snackin' on Cheerios! Not sure how true this is...but I know first hand Mr. Bowyer can be quite the diva!

Chase on the other hand...Chase is a very confident young man who has had his confidence tested more than once since he left the dirt he loved for NC. Chase has never given up and the love and support of his family have stayed as strong as ever and it looks like this could be paying off. Chase will be in a truck this year trying to prove himself to all of NASCAR that he's got the foot to run with the big boys!

I have full confidence that these two will be able to show their Kansas born talent off in 2009...I just hope that Chase doesn't follow in Clint's footsteps when it comes to his memory of where he's from and who has helped him get there.

The only reason this topic makes me over think is simple...where they are vs. where I am and where I want to be...see 4!

3) The fact that my bff in TX just pops up to remind me that he still doesn't think I know what I want and won't believe that I do until I'm walking down the aisle...oh and just a side note he wanted to check on my self-confidence and see if it was back to the level it was in college!

Well Mr. Nash...for the record I think this goes deeper than a "hey how ya doin'?"...but we won't go there this time! What I know is that I may not know exactly what I do want, but I know enough to figure out what I'm ok with and what I'm not. I also know that my confidence is doing just fine. I'm getting attention from a great man...and there are others that would be happy to be giving me the same attention. I am still the independent and confident Jen you knew back on the Hill, I'm just a little more grown up now. Yes this year has been hell for me and our friendship, but I'm good. I have learned a lot...about both myself and you...and I guess that means I've learned a little something about our friendship too.

Yes B I still over-think on this one too...I over-think about college, I over-think about not going to TX or Germany last fall, I over-think this summer, and I over-think all the time in-between...but you know I'm good with it. It all is what it is and who knows from there. I have learned to take you at face value when you come around and to let it lie when you don't.

Whether you have faith in me or not, I have faith in myself...I am confident that although I don't know exactly what I want...the way you mean it as well as in every other aspect of my life, I know that I will figure it out as it comes. Someday, in a church, somewhere, I will look you eye to eye (even if I have to stand on a chair) and watch you tell me that your faith in me has been restored. I can't wait...but hopefully it doesn't take that long for you to get back there again!

4) My career...where it is, where I want it to be, what to do about it.

This is one that has my mind a lot. I am not sold that I even know where I want to be or what I want to do about where I am now or where I am going, but I can give you what I know. I know that I don't want to be where I am right now for the rest of my life. I know that talking to Chase last night, watching the NASCAR news, and talking to Dusty and Walker on a regular basis that I miss Motorsports more than I can explain to you. Also, it is basketball season and I do work on the campus of the University of Kansas...that and talking to B.Nashty, Step, TStubbs, and all the rest on a regular basis I remember back to our college days and how much I love working with student-athletes and how much I enjoy college sports altogether.

I know when push comes to shove my heart is at the track...I'm just not sure how to get there again.

I will continue to over-think and pray about this one for some time to come...but I have faith that someday I will be right where I want to be.

5) It's my birthday Monday!!!

I don't think you can ever be too old for birthdays! I am very excited to go out to eat and to the bars with some friends on Saturday night. I really hope that Nick, Mike, Strick, and Danielle will meet up with us when the Slipknot concert is over. Hopefully it will be a good time.

I am also looking forward to the family dinner...it is always the one constant when you think about birthdays!

As for Monday...the big day...I have no idea what I'm going to do! :-( I'll figure it out I'm sure.

Anyway...I'm trying not to think about this one too much just go with the flow I know regardless of who I'm spending my time with it will be a great birthday!

OK, Well enough chatter for now. I will try to ward off my worst enemy and see what I know not what I think. We all know this isn't going to be easy for me, but my life really is pretty special right now.

Love you all!