The Dating Game

Well, you all know that when I have a lot on my mind I like to write to try to get it all straight...so here goes:

Ok, so as you all know my goal was to take advantage of the single life for awhile and truly attempt to play the dating game and talk to multiple people until I found someone on that was really worth my time. Through this process I have come to the conclusion that this is really not fun! It is stressfull, confusing, and just plain hard. Some days I feel like I just can't handle that. Though it has been quite the ordeal and rather entertaining for my friends, I'm ready for it to be over.

I have met a new guy recently...well, we first talked about two months ago if you want to get technical. But, for all real and normal purposes we have been talking for a little over a month. He is super sweet and I like him a lot. However, like all the others, I don't know him at all and am trying to keep my guard up. I will say that it is very possible that Nick could be one that would make me want to stop talking to all the others...and give things a real chance. In fact, he's already making me feel that way to a point. I finally told Nate for the umpteenth time that I am over it for real for real! I haven't talked to Steve in almost a week...and let's be real, we never really talked much at all anyway. We have all obviously been confused by my friendship with Cupcake and that has officially made it back to the friend zone peacefully. He even finally talked to me about my current situation rather candidly. I wasn't sure that was ever going to happen!!! So, although there are a few guy friends with a little potential, most of my attention has been going to Nick...and regardless of what happens, I am perfectly fine with that.

That all said: Talking to someone can be so confusing. Especially for an over-thinker like me. I'm sure it really isn't that confusing, but you know me. I felt like I had done so well with not letting it get to me or consume my thoughts too much, but the last 48 hours have been quite the struggle. I have no idea what is going on and you know for a person with little patience that is used to being in control...that's a hard one to grasp. I know that I am happy with the way things have been going and that I really enjoy talking to him and spending time with him. He is super sweet. I know you should just roll with the punches and go with the flow, which I had been doing just fine with, but I guess I just wish I had some clue of where this was going or maybe where he was wanting it to go...I don't know.

Another thing is all the baggage from my past. Bryant Nash told me at the beginning of the summer that my relationship with Jericho and the issues from that relationship will affect how I look at and deal with relationships for a long time. At that point I told him that wouldn't happen, that I knew that Jericho wasn't normal and all guys weren't like him. Yet, as always, it seems like Mr. B Nashty was right again. I find myself questioning stupid shit in my head and being quick to jump to a certain thought process. We all know that there were probably three or four major issues in that relationship that could affect my thoughts, views, and actions in the future. I guess the question becomes: HOW & WHEN DO YOU TELL THE PERSON THAT YOU ARE TALKING TO & REALLY INTERESTED IN THAT YOU HAVE THIS BAGGAGE & EXACTLY WHAT THE BAGGAGE IS? There is Rob who will tell you just to chill and roll with it because you don't want to freak the poor guy out...then there is Mike who will tell you to just talk to him like you talk to me and CW and everyone else when something is on your mind...I guess there has to be a meet in the middle. I also know that timing is everything and I really don't want to fuck this one up because of bad timing of a single conversation.

So that leads us to, NOW WHAT?

Now that I have gotten all my thoughts out in writing...if Nick doesn't read this first, I will try to roll with the punches and go with the flow as much as possible...then, next time we hangout or when the timing seems right I will take Mike's advice and ask him where he is thinking he wants our situation to go and see where the conversation takes us from there. For now, I am going to wash my face...get ready for bed...and say my prayers...you know my philosphy: after you start to over-think something there's only one place for it to go...into God's hands and you just have to follow from there.

With that...Goodnight & I love you all!!!