'Tis the Season!

I'm sure that I will spend quite a bit of time reflecting on the past year the next few weeks. It has been quite the ride and I am very excited to see what 2009 will bring. I am going to try to stay focused on Christmas today...we'll see how that works out for me.

As you all know and many of you are a part of...I have a huge family, a very close family. I am very proud of that. Although I don't get home very often, my family is the most important thing in the world to me. During this time of year it is great to be able to communicate with everyone more and share our time with each other. It really is too bad that we don't take time to do this more often.

I generally love this time of year because I get to be creative and go shopping for the perfect gift for those I love. I always try to put a lot of thought into my gift giving, because the people I buy for all hold a special place in my heart. For some reason I really struggled with that this year. I had trouble getting in the Christmas spirit and trouble shopping.

Since Grandma Brown passed away Thanksgiving and Christmas have been a very emotional time for me and my family. We have lost some of those that mean the most to us during this time of year. I remember looking back on the Holidays since then and notice that I spent so much time reflecting and just enjoying my family in the moment. Just being so at peace with myself because I was so blessed to share these days with the people that I loved...it didn't matter what I was given or from whom...all that mattered was that I was with my family. I don't even remember now what was going on in my life at each of those times, yet they were to be cherished. One Thanksgiving weekend my Grandma Brown passed away, one Christmas I had just wrecked my car two or three days earlier and I was just relieved to be there with my family and in one piece, last year around Thanksgiving we lost Uncle Mike, and this year we have been through a lot. I have experienced a lot in my own life and we have experienced a lot as a family. I have lost two jobs, ended a relationship, got a really great job that I am proud to have, had a very important friendship tested to the max and it still isn't put back together right, we lost my Grandpa, I dropped a couple thousand that I didn't have into my truck among other financial tests, we lost my Uncle Dick to cancer, I ran off to St.L to spend a weekend with a guy I hadn't seen in 4 years with no clue why or what was going to happen, I have strengthed great friendships and tested others, I have learned that CW is one of the most important people in my life and although most don't understand us that's ok, I have talked to more guys than a football coach in a pre-game pep talk...but learned something about myself every step of the way, finally I have found a guy that I actually believe is worth my time and am learning to test myself everyday as we see where things go. I'm sure there are plenty of other things I've lived this year that I didn't list, but the point is, you live and you learn, there is a reason for everything, and sometimes you don't realize it in the moment, but what doesn't kill you truly does make you stronger.

I knew that my family was strong, but I'm not sure I realized just how strong we were until Uncle Dick got really sick. When we found out that he was sick we spent nearly every weekend sharing a meal together. At the end, when he went into the hospital it touched my heart everyday walking into the room and seeing every one of my family members there. When he moved to hospice everyone followed. It was so touching to look around me and see at least 20 family members all there at once just to be there, to sit together, to laugh, to cry, to wait for the inevitable. I wouldn't have it any other way. Even since then I myself have spent more time on the phone, in text, email, and online with my Aunts, cousins, nieces, parents, brother, and future sister-in-law and I never want to slow that down.

Looking to this week and all the festivities of Christmas I know that we will all spend time laughing together, crying together, probably arguing together, giving each other shit and taking each others money...and I can't wait! I truly believe that I have the best family in the world and I thank God everyday for each and every person that is a part of my family and my life.

I am so excited to see so many of you Wednesday and Thursday. I wish all of you a Merry Christmas! For those of you I will not see: be safe wherever you are.

To all of you...you are in my thoughts and prayers now and always!
I love you and goodnight!