So I have been wanting to blog all week, but just can't decide what to blog about. I have lots of crazy thoughts, but nothing solid enough for a blog entry. Thus, I have decided to list my thoughts and hopefully it will spark some more ideas or you all can throw in your opinions and get me writing again!
1)Nick and the fact that he showed up Tuesday and totally redeemed himself from the weekend!
2)Racing: Bowyer's in a new ride and Chase got a truck deal!
3)The fact that my bff in TX just pops up to remind me that he still doesn't think I know what I want and won't believe that I do until I'm walking down the aisle...oh and just a side note he wanted to check on myself confidence and see if it was back to the level it was in college!
4)My career...where it is, where I want it to be, what to do about it.
5)Its my Birthday Monday!!!
Let me know what you think...maybe I'll decide tomorrow!
Goodnight and I love you!
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Cry Baby
Can you believe it...I am sitting here in tears over something a boy did...after I told myself that I wouldn't cry over him. My feelings are hurt. Granted the initial hurt could be chalked up to my sensitivity and not giving him the benefit of the doubt, but now I'm just pissed off.
Things happen in my daily life that I want to talk about. I don't need to talk every day or anything, but when I feel the need to talk or need a little support, the last thing I want is to not be able to get ahold of someone. When I can't get ahold of the person and they don't call me back, my frustration just builds. I try to make every excuse I can for people...but sometimes I just can't do it anymore. At some point no matter how patient I try to be Jen comes out. Late into the evening on day three and two unreturned phone calls later a "Whats you up to" just doesn't do it for me. A request for call and another evening without it leaves me spitting flames by the time I wake up. A conversation to clear it up and plans for the evening pacify me for the time being, but then when you can't even come through on your plans. Now what do you want me to think? How do you expect me to feel? I'm not mad...no I think it is deeper than that. I'm hurt. I feel like my feelings, my time, well just me isn't important to you. I feel like this is truly a relationship of convenience for you and that what I think, feel, or want doesn't matter. If that is the case we need to get that handled...
For those of you that know me, you know that I am not one to keep my mouth shut and I'm not one to just go with the flow if I don't like where the flow is going. I have tried so hard to be more patient and to not get frustrated, to not punish other people for my past. With this one I have not only tried to be patient and laid back, I have even relinquished control. All along though I have told myself to hold back, to not get in too deep...and here I am crying about a boy that I promised myself I wouldn't let get to me like that. I guess on the positive side I think we just got our first fight out of the way...no it's not over...there are still things that need to be discussed and there is still tension that needs to be eased, but it no longer needs to be a fight...I feel like we can now just talk about it and move on.
I am an emotional girl and I always will be. I will not be taken advantage of, used, or misled in any manner. My fear is that I am being somewhat taken advantage of...and that's not ok.
Someone who I am sure would rather be the one having this fight with me than talking to me about it told me this morning that I need to realize how many steps forward this relationship has made and take at least that many back and think about Jen for a minute. Well Nate, as easy as that sounds, you and I both know that it is not. That said, I think that may be just what I need to do. I am frustrated and this isn't going my way...in the words of a best friend...this just isn't working for me. What will make it work...or will it? Do I want it to? These are questions I have to answer on my own. I'm not sure I know all the answers, but I'm pretty sure God's heard just about enough of the questions.
Don't get me wrong...Nick is amazing. I really like him and enjoy spending time with him. There are just some things that I can't handle anymore...some things that I just can't be that passive about...it just isn't me. I don't want any of you to think that he is a major jerkwad or that he did anything super wrong. He is still a great guy that makes me smile most of the time. The problem is me. The problem is I tried to be someone else when it came to my patience and what I let get on my nerves and what I didn't. Now, he just needs a little dose of Jen and we'll all be ok.
Thanks to all of my nearest and dearest friends for listening to me about this the past 24 hours. Hopefully I've got it all out of my system for the time being.
Goodnight and I love you all!
*Oh and a side note...please stop eating peanut butter for me...just until the FDA has this whole mess all figured out. I can't handle another crisis.*
Things happen in my daily life that I want to talk about. I don't need to talk every day or anything, but when I feel the need to talk or need a little support, the last thing I want is to not be able to get ahold of someone. When I can't get ahold of the person and they don't call me back, my frustration just builds. I try to make every excuse I can for people...but sometimes I just can't do it anymore. At some point no matter how patient I try to be Jen comes out. Late into the evening on day three and two unreturned phone calls later a "Whats you up to" just doesn't do it for me. A request for call and another evening without it leaves me spitting flames by the time I wake up. A conversation to clear it up and plans for the evening pacify me for the time being, but then when you can't even come through on your plans. Now what do you want me to think? How do you expect me to feel? I'm not mad...no I think it is deeper than that. I'm hurt. I feel like my feelings, my time, well just me isn't important to you. I feel like this is truly a relationship of convenience for you and that what I think, feel, or want doesn't matter. If that is the case we need to get that handled...
For those of you that know me, you know that I am not one to keep my mouth shut and I'm not one to just go with the flow if I don't like where the flow is going. I have tried so hard to be more patient and to not get frustrated, to not punish other people for my past. With this one I have not only tried to be patient and laid back, I have even relinquished control. All along though I have told myself to hold back, to not get in too deep...and here I am crying about a boy that I promised myself I wouldn't let get to me like that. I guess on the positive side I think we just got our first fight out of the way...no it's not over...there are still things that need to be discussed and there is still tension that needs to be eased, but it no longer needs to be a fight...I feel like we can now just talk about it and move on.
I am an emotional girl and I always will be. I will not be taken advantage of, used, or misled in any manner. My fear is that I am being somewhat taken advantage of...and that's not ok.
Someone who I am sure would rather be the one having this fight with me than talking to me about it told me this morning that I need to realize how many steps forward this relationship has made and take at least that many back and think about Jen for a minute. Well Nate, as easy as that sounds, you and I both know that it is not. That said, I think that may be just what I need to do. I am frustrated and this isn't going my way...in the words of a best friend...this just isn't working for me. What will make it work...or will it? Do I want it to? These are questions I have to answer on my own. I'm not sure I know all the answers, but I'm pretty sure God's heard just about enough of the questions.
Don't get me wrong...Nick is amazing. I really like him and enjoy spending time with him. There are just some things that I can't handle anymore...some things that I just can't be that passive about...it just isn't me. I don't want any of you to think that he is a major jerkwad or that he did anything super wrong. He is still a great guy that makes me smile most of the time. The problem is me. The problem is I tried to be someone else when it came to my patience and what I let get on my nerves and what I didn't. Now, he just needs a little dose of Jen and we'll all be ok.
Thanks to all of my nearest and dearest friends for listening to me about this the past 24 hours. Hopefully I've got it all out of my system for the time being.
Goodnight and I love you all!
*Oh and a side note...please stop eating peanut butter for me...just until the FDA has this whole mess all figured out. I can't handle another crisis.*
Monday, January 12, 2009
Where Everybody Knows Your Name
Back in high school there was once a yearbook title of "Where Everybody Knows Your Name". At the time everyone thought it was the best fit for the attendees at Seaman High School. Thing is, it was just that, a place where everybody knew your name, yet they didn't know much more than that. The best quote to explain how I felt in high school comes from Jay-Z, "You only know what you see, you don't understand what it takes to be me." Again, oh so true. Although back in high school we knew everyones name, for the most part no one really KNEW each other. There are exceptions of course. I still have Nancy as one of my best friends...since second grade. Other than Nancy though, there just aren't too many people from high school that I still keep in touch with. Of course I see a few at the race track now and then and in college I would run into JP and a couple others on campus occasionally, but I can't say that I know them.
The other day I read a blog from one of my former classmates. I must say that I know we have all changed in the past 5-10 years, but I learned more in the 5 minutes I took to read that blog than I recall ever knowing through all of our years in school together. Now, that's sad. High school is what it is and there is a lot of drama. Looking back I wish that I had taken the time to get to know more people...or rather, that they had taken the time to get to know me. I am so pleased to be reconnecting with some of these old classmates now that we are out in the real world. Some were friends then and will never be more than aquantances now...and some were never more than aquantances then and will be friends moving forward. Either way, I will never forget the years spent in a place where everybody knew your name...yet I am so grateful for that time to be in my past and am so blessed with who I have become.
The other day I read a blog from one of my former classmates. I must say that I know we have all changed in the past 5-10 years, but I learned more in the 5 minutes I took to read that blog than I recall ever knowing through all of our years in school together. Now, that's sad. High school is what it is and there is a lot of drama. Looking back I wish that I had taken the time to get to know more people...or rather, that they had taken the time to get to know me. I am so pleased to be reconnecting with some of these old classmates now that we are out in the real world. Some were friends then and will never be more than aquantances now...and some were never more than aquantances then and will be friends moving forward. Either way, I will never forget the years spent in a place where everybody knew your name...yet I am so grateful for that time to be in my past and am so blessed with who I have become.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Get with the program...part II ?
Ok, Sfar here you go. As promised my more lengthy response to your latest blog. Before I start, can I just say thank goodness for a double monitor so I can read along as I go. :)
Well lady, you're right...the best thing to do is "get off your ass and stop feeling sorry for yourself." and it is true that "Life's a bitch and this isn't front page news." However, it is so much easier to think that or tell a friend than to actually force yourself to do.
That said...I know that you are crushed that this opportunity didn't come to be reality...however, I wouldn't take it as complete rejection. This was something that you had been wokring on for a very long time and nothing you did has brought the economy to where it is today. Although, you shouldn't have put all your eggs in one basket it is so easy to do. When we want something so badly you can't help but to put all of your effort into it. Now that we are back to the drawing board, we just have to make sure that you stay focused on the dream and don't get held up with a stepping-stone to achieving that dream. As we look to the future there are multiple stepping-stones we will have to cross to reach our dreams and goals. Each step we take we will more than likely have multiple stones to choose from...we have to be sure that we don't try to land on one stone without closely looking at each of them. Ok...so that was totally dumb and cheesy, but you get my point. If you put all your effort into trying to get one opportunity, you may let something even better pass you by in the long run.
So, you've gotta have some faith, pull yourself together and get on to plan B...because I'm sure that Obama won't be sharing the wealth anytime soon! You are right, you can't have faith in anyone else...but if you have faith in yourself you'll get that dream...it just may not be by taking the path you set out on to begin with.
Let's look at your Dad's philosophy for a second..."face reality." Makes sense...have you done that yet? Reality is, you aren't going to be an intern at Sprint right now, you are still in Topeka re-learning lives most precious lessons from annoying kids day in and day out...but, it is also reality that your dream hasn't changed and that you can still get there. You can still get to Charlotte and you can still work in PR in some form related to NASCAR. The thing is, you just have to re-think how to get there.
I have faith in you Sfar, do you have it in yourself?
Now, for the most simple question...I'm not sure how you answered this, but I will answer it for myself:
If I don't see tomorrow would I be happy with the way I have lived my life?
Well, there are alwyas things we wish that we would have done a little differently or that we wish would have turned out a different way. But, I would say that in 2008 my life has come full circle. I have learned so much about myself as I have been faced with so many obstacles. Someday I would still like the chance to head to Charlotte with you or walk into an office at Allen Fieldhouse everyday...but more importantly I want to be there for my family and be just a phone call, a car ride, or a flight away. I have learned that you have to dream big and work for those dreams, but you have to remember that some times the most important things and just what you're looking for may be right in front of your face. Think about it. I started 2008 in a position in motorsports...I had an opportunity to go to Memphis and I let it go...good thing, because my family needed me more than ever this year...and truth be told, I needed them too. Now, with a lot of frustration and hundreds of resumes out the door I am so blessed to drive on to the campus of the University of Kansas everyday where I get to come to work representing the very thing that has driven me since I was a little girl. I have been a Jayhawk for as long as I can remember, I wanted nothing more than to attend the University of Kansas and walk down the Hill through the Campanile and into Memorial Stadium. I did just that, I have the piece of paper and student loan to prove it. Although I am not working with Athletes on a daily basis, I am still here a part of the tradition. It's a stepping-stone Sarah...one that may lead me down the hill to Naismith Drive and the most beautiful building in the country (Allen Fieldhouse) or one that could lead me back to Kansas City, to a dirt track between here and the east coast, or maybe even Charlotte, NC. Wherever this path may lead, I am thankful for the ride, and blessed with the lessons and experience...and yes, if I don't see tomorrow I would be happy with the way I have lived my life.
I love each and every one of you that has been a part of this journey called life...you are my family, my friends, my mentors...you have had a hand in who I have become and who I am still to be...thank you!
Well lady, you're right...the best thing to do is "get off your ass and stop feeling sorry for yourself." and it is true that "Life's a bitch and this isn't front page news." However, it is so much easier to think that or tell a friend than to actually force yourself to do.
That said...I know that you are crushed that this opportunity didn't come to be reality...however, I wouldn't take it as complete rejection. This was something that you had been wokring on for a very long time and nothing you did has brought the economy to where it is today. Although, you shouldn't have put all your eggs in one basket it is so easy to do. When we want something so badly you can't help but to put all of your effort into it. Now that we are back to the drawing board, we just have to make sure that you stay focused on the dream and don't get held up with a stepping-stone to achieving that dream. As we look to the future there are multiple stepping-stones we will have to cross to reach our dreams and goals. Each step we take we will more than likely have multiple stones to choose from...we have to be sure that we don't try to land on one stone without closely looking at each of them. Ok...so that was totally dumb and cheesy, but you get my point. If you put all your effort into trying to get one opportunity, you may let something even better pass you by in the long run.
So, you've gotta have some faith, pull yourself together and get on to plan B...because I'm sure that Obama won't be sharing the wealth anytime soon! You are right, you can't have faith in anyone else...but if you have faith in yourself you'll get that dream...it just may not be by taking the path you set out on to begin with.
Let's look at your Dad's philosophy for a second..."face reality." Makes sense...have you done that yet? Reality is, you aren't going to be an intern at Sprint right now, you are still in Topeka re-learning lives most precious lessons from annoying kids day in and day out...but, it is also reality that your dream hasn't changed and that you can still get there. You can still get to Charlotte and you can still work in PR in some form related to NASCAR. The thing is, you just have to re-think how to get there.
I have faith in you Sfar, do you have it in yourself?
Now, for the most simple question...I'm not sure how you answered this, but I will answer it for myself:
If I don't see tomorrow would I be happy with the way I have lived my life?
Well, there are alwyas things we wish that we would have done a little differently or that we wish would have turned out a different way. But, I would say that in 2008 my life has come full circle. I have learned so much about myself as I have been faced with so many obstacles. Someday I would still like the chance to head to Charlotte with you or walk into an office at Allen Fieldhouse everyday...but more importantly I want to be there for my family and be just a phone call, a car ride, or a flight away. I have learned that you have to dream big and work for those dreams, but you have to remember that some times the most important things and just what you're looking for may be right in front of your face. Think about it. I started 2008 in a position in motorsports...I had an opportunity to go to Memphis and I let it go...good thing, because my family needed me more than ever this year...and truth be told, I needed them too. Now, with a lot of frustration and hundreds of resumes out the door I am so blessed to drive on to the campus of the University of Kansas everyday where I get to come to work representing the very thing that has driven me since I was a little girl. I have been a Jayhawk for as long as I can remember, I wanted nothing more than to attend the University of Kansas and walk down the Hill through the Campanile and into Memorial Stadium. I did just that, I have the piece of paper and student loan to prove it. Although I am not working with Athletes on a daily basis, I am still here a part of the tradition. It's a stepping-stone Sarah...one that may lead me down the hill to Naismith Drive and the most beautiful building in the country (Allen Fieldhouse) or one that could lead me back to Kansas City, to a dirt track between here and the east coast, or maybe even Charlotte, NC. Wherever this path may lead, I am thankful for the ride, and blessed with the lessons and experience...and yes, if I don't see tomorrow I would be happy with the way I have lived my life.
I love each and every one of you that has been a part of this journey called life...you are my family, my friends, my mentors...you have had a hand in who I have become and who I am still to be...thank you!
Monday, January 5, 2009
Bowyer news...can we say interesting...
Every week I try to log on to cjonline to check out the celebrations. I like to see who is getting engaged and who has gotten married. It's always interesting to see people you know, but today I saw one that really shocked me.
Greeson - Bowyer
Casey Bowyer was dating Brook Greeson years ago when I was writing for Champion Direct...how long has that been now...over 5 years. I am shocked that they are finally getting married. Not to say I've kept tabs, because I haven't. I guess my surprise is that it has take so long for Casey to put a ring on her finger. Good news is she was around before big brother made it to the big time...
Seeing this makes me reflect on the Bowyer family name and what it generally reflects. My definition to that name would be all across the bored...from arrogant to talented. I hope that as Brook becomes a Bowyer she will still remember where she came from, because Lord knows the majority of the Bowyer glan has forgotten...except of course when it is the right think to say to the media.
Don't get me wrong, I am a Bowyer fan...have been since the days of the Factory Stock at the short track. Back in the days when Clint was simply The Kid. I am excited to see him succeed and saddened to see him act like he has forgotten where he came from and the people who helped to get him there. I remember watching Clint when we were all young and thinking he was such an ass and then I got to know him and his family and began to see that Clint was a great guy with a great family, but then Clint got a Sunday job and it seems like when he comes home he is that same PFP he was in high school. I know that when people tell me Clint is really just a cocky little jerk I'm the first to say...he's not so bad, you just gotta get to know him...and that's a true statement, but does anyone that knew Clint on dirt really know Clint now?
With that I wish the best to Casey and Brook and their future together as well as to Clint Bowyer Racing for the 2009 Season.
Goodnight and I love you all!
Greeson - Bowyer
Casey Bowyer was dating Brook Greeson years ago when I was writing for Champion Direct...how long has that been now...over 5 years. I am shocked that they are finally getting married. Not to say I've kept tabs, because I haven't. I guess my surprise is that it has take so long for Casey to put a ring on her finger. Good news is she was around before big brother made it to the big time...
Seeing this makes me reflect on the Bowyer family name and what it generally reflects. My definition to that name would be all across the bored...from arrogant to talented. I hope that as Brook becomes a Bowyer she will still remember where she came from, because Lord knows the majority of the Bowyer glan has forgotten...except of course when it is the right think to say to the media.
Don't get me wrong, I am a Bowyer fan...have been since the days of the Factory Stock at the short track. Back in the days when Clint was simply The Kid. I am excited to see him succeed and saddened to see him act like he has forgotten where he came from and the people who helped to get him there. I remember watching Clint when we were all young and thinking he was such an ass and then I got to know him and his family and began to see that Clint was a great guy with a great family, but then Clint got a Sunday job and it seems like when he comes home he is that same PFP he was in high school. I know that when people tell me Clint is really just a cocky little jerk I'm the first to say...he's not so bad, you just gotta get to know him...and that's a true statement, but does anyone that knew Clint on dirt really know Clint now?
With that I wish the best to Casey and Brook and their future together as well as to Clint Bowyer Racing for the 2009 Season.
Goodnight and I love you all!
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Overload
Ok, so as usual, my mind has been on overload the past 36 hours or so. Not that I want to get into why or what's up right now though.
I do want to stay that I am ecstatic that my Mom came to see me today! I know that she spends every waking moment taking care of or cleaning up after someone, but I really just wanted her to be here. My project for the day...cleaning up the spare room! I knew that this was a project that I needed to tackle on my own, however, I wanted my Mom to be here. She came up and sat with me as I got the room back to a room. I swear it looked like a tornado has went through. I'm super excited that it looks and feels like a functional room. For awhile there I had been leaving the door shut because I didn't want anyone to see how bad it was. Now, I can't wait for Nick to come by or the girls to come up for the weekend and see the transformation.
Well, there's another thing Nick. Nick and I had an interesting weekend. I will say that there were moments of confusion, but by the time I went to sleep on Saturday night I think we were on the same page. I'm sure you are all dying to know what happened or why all the confusion. However, for now I would rather not say. I know that I have been pretty open with all of you lately and want to do so always, but there are somethings that need to be between the people involved. Nothing from this weekend was a bad thing at all...and I am very glad that we are able to communicate with each other to ensure that we are on the same page. I hope that we can remain open and honest with each other as we see where things go. As we both have reservations to getting into another relationship after the ones from our past I think that it is essential that we take our time and go with the flow as much as possible. I really like Nick and I know that he likes me...regardless of pace or titles or anything else, what will be will be and I truly believe that is out of our control, so for now, we will go with the flow and move at a pace that is comfortable for both of us. If this works then it works, if it doesn't then it doesn't.
So, as my extended weekend comes to a close I am sad that I didn't get to spend more time with my family, ecstatic that my apartment is coming together, and comfortable with where things stand with Nick.
And I think that's all you need to know for now...
...so Goodnight and I love you all!
I do want to stay that I am ecstatic that my Mom came to see me today! I know that she spends every waking moment taking care of or cleaning up after someone, but I really just wanted her to be here. My project for the day...cleaning up the spare room! I knew that this was a project that I needed to tackle on my own, however, I wanted my Mom to be here. She came up and sat with me as I got the room back to a room. I swear it looked like a tornado has went through. I'm super excited that it looks and feels like a functional room. For awhile there I had been leaving the door shut because I didn't want anyone to see how bad it was. Now, I can't wait for Nick to come by or the girls to come up for the weekend and see the transformation.
Well, there's another thing Nick. Nick and I had an interesting weekend. I will say that there were moments of confusion, but by the time I went to sleep on Saturday night I think we were on the same page. I'm sure you are all dying to know what happened or why all the confusion. However, for now I would rather not say. I know that I have been pretty open with all of you lately and want to do so always, but there are somethings that need to be between the people involved. Nothing from this weekend was a bad thing at all...and I am very glad that we are able to communicate with each other to ensure that we are on the same page. I hope that we can remain open and honest with each other as we see where things go. As we both have reservations to getting into another relationship after the ones from our past I think that it is essential that we take our time and go with the flow as much as possible. I really like Nick and I know that he likes me...regardless of pace or titles or anything else, what will be will be and I truly believe that is out of our control, so for now, we will go with the flow and move at a pace that is comfortable for both of us. If this works then it works, if it doesn't then it doesn't.
So, as my extended weekend comes to a close I am sad that I didn't get to spend more time with my family, ecstatic that my apartment is coming together, and comfortable with where things stand with Nick.
And I think that's all you need to know for now...
...so Goodnight and I love you all!
Friday, January 2, 2009
Low BS tolerance is getting lower
It's funny how when you meet someone new that you really like, you try to give them the benefit of the doubt just a little more than you normally would. Well, I must say this boy has gotten the benefit of the doubt a lot more than I normally would give it. I'm not sure why. However, I am sure that it's not going to last much longer. You all know how I am, I hit that wall...the one where I say to myself, this is BS I'm not dealing with it any more. I'm sure that's probably why I am single now and have put up with $hitheads most of my adult life. The thing is, I am also fully aware that if I don't begin to work on my patience, that I will probably run off, or run away from rather, some really great guys.
I am trying to go with the flow when it comes to Nick...I am trying to stay patient and just enjoy what I'm living...but here's the deal:
~I will not sit at home and wait...unless you are very specific about when I can expect to see you.
~I will not call and text you all the time...this needs to be even, I'm not a chaser here...don't need to be!
~I will not fight for you or with you. There are many other people that would be happy to give me undivided attention...I will not compete for yours AND I will not fight with you unless it is a fight that needs to be had...so little attitudes will get on my nerves quick! I've had too many fights over nothing and I won't do that again.
~Being vague or avoiding a conversation will only send me back to what I know from my past...I hate to be always questioning everything...so just speak up.
~Honesty is always best...no matter what!
~Communication is key...like what's going on in your life communication, not just what's up, did you see the game, etc.
~Patience is power...but sometimes I just don't have any!
~Time with your boys for you and my girls for me is essential, but time together is also very important.
~I am not a puppet, so don't think you can string me along until I fit into your schedule...it just doesn't work that way.
~Neither one of us is really that busy...if we want to make time for each other we will...just like that...so I will never be too busy to pick up the phone or catch a movie and I will never believe that you are too busy so don't try that excuse.
I'm sure there are a million more things I could add to this list. Don't get me wrong, Nick is a great guy and he isn't doing anything wrong. I just have a very low BS tolerance and when I start to recognize this then things that I have been blowing off start to get noticed. The list above just includes some of the points that I have to remind myself so I don't fall back into old patterns of old relationships that just don't work. After my last breakup I vowed to myself that I would re-evaluate my standards and not settle for anything less than what I deserve. It is easy to forget this and fall into whatever gets comfortable.
I like Nick a lot and so far things seem to be going well, but today I felt like I needed to reflect a minute on a few of the things that are important for me to remember as our relationship (or whatever the hell you want to call it) continues to grow.
For now, I am living in the moment and loving every minute of it...and I plan to continue to do just that!
Love you all!
~Jen :-)
I am trying to go with the flow when it comes to Nick...I am trying to stay patient and just enjoy what I'm living...but here's the deal:
~I will not sit at home and wait...unless you are very specific about when I can expect to see you.
~I will not call and text you all the time...this needs to be even, I'm not a chaser here...don't need to be!
~I will not fight for you or with you. There are many other people that would be happy to give me undivided attention...I will not compete for yours AND I will not fight with you unless it is a fight that needs to be had...so little attitudes will get on my nerves quick! I've had too many fights over nothing and I won't do that again.
~Being vague or avoiding a conversation will only send me back to what I know from my past...I hate to be always questioning everything...so just speak up.
~Honesty is always best...no matter what!
~Communication is key...like what's going on in your life communication, not just what's up, did you see the game, etc.
~Patience is power...but sometimes I just don't have any!
~Time with your boys for you and my girls for me is essential, but time together is also very important.
~I am not a puppet, so don't think you can string me along until I fit into your schedule...it just doesn't work that way.
~Neither one of us is really that busy...if we want to make time for each other we will...just like that...so I will never be too busy to pick up the phone or catch a movie and I will never believe that you are too busy so don't try that excuse.
I'm sure there are a million more things I could add to this list. Don't get me wrong, Nick is a great guy and he isn't doing anything wrong. I just have a very low BS tolerance and when I start to recognize this then things that I have been blowing off start to get noticed. The list above just includes some of the points that I have to remind myself so I don't fall back into old patterns of old relationships that just don't work. After my last breakup I vowed to myself that I would re-evaluate my standards and not settle for anything less than what I deserve. It is easy to forget this and fall into whatever gets comfortable.
I like Nick a lot and so far things seem to be going well, but today I felt like I needed to reflect a minute on a few of the things that are important for me to remember as our relationship (or whatever the hell you want to call it) continues to grow.
For now, I am living in the moment and loving every minute of it...and I plan to continue to do just that!
Love you all!
~Jen :-)
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